Imagine if we could get an easy-to-follow blueprint that covers the big relationship moments we all face, and keeps it simple. Sounds good, huh? Well, if there were such a thing (written by him, for you), that could see you both through those tricky moments that life, and love, throw your way, this is how it would look. Brian Alexander gives us the skinny on how to impress him on a first date…and how most definitely not to.
Women accuse men of only talking about themselves, but maybe we’re just trying to fill the empty conversation space. “I’ve been out a few times with women who seemed open and friendly until I asked them to dinner,” reports Noah. “They sit there and don’t say a word. They make me feel like they either don’t want to be with me in the first place or they have nothing to say, which is lame.”
No doubt some men – maybe many men – are intimidated by smart women. But brains are sexy! (Glasses are too, but maybe that’s just me)
Be sexy, but not that sexy
“I thought she’d expect money to change hands by the end of the night,” replied Rob when I asked him if a woman had ever dressed up too much for a first date. “I spent the night watching men watch her and worrying I’d wind up in a bar fight defending her honour.” Remember this: We are attracted to you or we wouldn’t have asked. So we already think you’re sexy.
Don’t take phone calls! “I’ve had women sit across the table from me and take three, four, five phone calls or check their BlackBerrys,” my friend Abe reports. “They always say, ‘Sorry, it’s work,’ as if that made it ok.” Turn your mobile off, look him in the eye and have a conversation. This is called courtesy.
Don’t sleep with him on the first date
You are not hearing this from me, got it? Yes, we may try to sleep with you on the first date. But when I’m sitting and thinking about it rationally, coolly, without having had three glasses of wine with a woman wearing a miniskirt and Louboutin heels, I think of my first date with Elizabeth when, after a beach picnic, we made it as far as her bedroom, lips locked, faces flushed, and she broke off the kissing. She smiled at me and said, “I’m not sleeping with you.”
“Ever?” I said.
“I didn’t say ever.”
“Ok,” I said, “how about I leave, then knock on your door and we call that our second date?” That didn’t work, but I admired her ability to set a boundary and her challenge to me to overcome it. A game? Maybe. But I came back for a real second date, then a third, and she made me glad I played.
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