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By Sam Ugandan


NSIBAMBI HALL, It is well known as a boarding school because of its secondary school rules that is woofers are not supposed to play loud music otherwise they will be confiscated by prefects called RESIDENTIAL ASSISTANTS, some people here even don’t know how to use flash toilets, It houses the freshers of the university as well as those who are still too young to live on their own.

SABITI HALL, it houses the female students especially freshers who fill casablanca to take free booze and most of them wake up at 4pm to read as if we are still in high school.

J.J HOSTEL, It has the biggest number of villagers ranging from basoga to karimojong, food is poured in the sink instead of the dustbin, people fight to watch kabata on TOP T.V as well as scrambling to watch agataliiko nffufu on Bukedde and they also have the only albino in mukono.

PAMEJA HOSTEL, You cant talk about beautiful ladies and you leave out pameja hostel and you cant also talk about smoking and you leave out pameja, always half naked, girls smoke like chimneys on their balcony and they are the shisha queens of UCU.

JOYKA, It is located very far away from the world some people think its located in kalangala yet its here just because of the distance and if you like moving at night you wont survive iron bar hit men here.

LITTLE ANGELS HOSTEL, it is an extension of Sabiti when it comes to housing freshers, it has girls who are so born again because they don’t use condoms but will have sex and hope for GOD to take care of the rest.

MAC BOYS, It is the only hostel with a clear view of pameja half naked ladies, if you are a born again and you go there your eyes may go blind.

VICTORY HOSTEL, It is the Akamwesi of UCU when it comes to sugardaddies not forgetting how beautiful they are of course, they remind me of the saying that not all that glitters is gold.

ST MICHEAL, I respect this hostel because it is where UCU CANON basketballers sleep and when you enter there it is smell of dirty or stinking stockings that will welcome you, they surely have an award in being dirty. Congs! Congs! Congs!

KINGSTONE HOSTEL, students here move in bikins as if it is a beach, it shows what they call urban rural excitement.

PREMIER HOSTEL, Weed here is taken as if the world is soon ending, sex here has no time table and bathing is illegal.

TRUE VINE, it is the hostel with the toughest dogs that even scares away the owner sometimes, landlady can easily embarass you if you have a visitor and you haven’t cleared her dues.

WANDEGEYA HOSTELS (BEHIND LUNCH BOX), It has the cheapest hostels ranging from 50k and below, girls that sleep here look left and right before entering their hostels and come out late in the night to buy rolexes after peeping, if you get a girlfriend from here she will never show you where she sleeps.

CARLTON, Most expensive hostel by far and if your father is not in the NRM government you cant sleep here.

VICTORY BOYS (where I sleep), It is the only hostel where guys are cuter than the ladies, only one person goes to church out of 30, we drink tea in the morning, at lunch and at supper till the semester ends.


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