The answers may surprise you.
Sometimes I get an idea for an article and I think to myself, “Oh I want to write about this… but I bet this topic has already been written about really well somewhere on the internet.”
Then I Google it and, after reading through the first ten articles, I am disappointed with humanity.
So I’m here to clear something up.
The majority of men don’t primarily love blowjobs because they’re an act of submission. Or because it means he gets to momentarily feel powerful. Or because he sees it as payback for all of the things he does for you on a day to day basis (yes, these are ALL things that I found in the top search matches).
And while I’m definitely not one to shy away from talking about dominance and submission, I believe that the reasons that men love blowjobs go deeper than Cosmo gives them credit for.
So, without further ado, here are the three biggest reasons that men love blowjobs… with a few direct quotes from some of my male coaching clients (whom I emailed for their input) sprinkled throughout.
1. Men love blowjobs because of a feeling of being deeply accepted
If there’s a thing that, if done with most people whom you didn’t feel emotionally connected to, would absolutely gross you out then that’s what makes it intimate that you would willingly do it with your partner.
“For me, the biggest benefit of receiving oral sex from my wife is an overwhelming feeling of being accepted. She has one of my favourite things in the whole world between her teeth, and she’s being so loving and gentle with it.” – Tom, 42
Time and time again, the guys that I asked about what it was that they loved about blowjobs told me that it was about feeling deeply accepted by their partner.
There’s a degree of vulnerability to having your genitals in someone else’s mouth. For many people, a lot of the mental bandwidth that isn’t repeating “Oh my god, this is amazing” is going towards “Am I taking too long?/Do I smell okay?/Are they having fun?/etc.”
There are few more intimate acts in the world than receiving oral sex from your lover. And the most frequent message that I received in response from my male readers/clients about why they loved blowjobs all came down to acceptance. They felt deeply accepted by their partner during oral sex.
(Note: just like the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th agreements of “The 4 Agreements” are all derivatives of the first agreement, you could argue that the 2nd and 3rd point in this article are all derivatives of the first point of men feeling accepted. The following points certainly have a lot of overlap with each other, but I felt that they were different enough to include.)
2.Men love blowjobs because of the love that they feel for their partner
I think that we tend to forget this on some level because sex is shoved in our faces on a daily basis in so many different ways (media, advertising, etc.), but when it comes down to it… sex is about feeling.
Sex feels pleasurable. Sex feels energizing. Sex rejuvenates us. And sex is also about feeling and creating love.
“I would never admit this to my guy friends in our normal ‘guy time’ kind of conversation… but for me, the thing on repeat in my mind when my girlfriend is going down on me is just how much I love her. It’s not necessarily the words “I love you” over and over jumbling around in my mind, as much as it is a feeling of ‘Fuck, I love this woman!’” – Mark, 33
While sex can still feel great for anyone regardless of gender or orientation if they aren’t in love with the person that they’re doing it with, it’s a fairly well known fact that love (whether it’s passionate love or companionate love) multiplies how great it feels.
Countless men referred to feeling the most deeply connected to their partner during any sexual activity, but especially so with receiving oral sex and/or simultaneously performing oral sex on each other (i.e. 69’ing).
“I don’t want to add to the stereotype that men only experience love through sex, that’s not what I’m saying. I always feel connected to my wife and I love her like crazy, even when we’re in the middle of a fight. But I do feel like my heart opens in a deeper, wider, and more expansive way whenever we’re in the middle of any sexual activity. Even if she just covertly brushes her hand up against my crotch (on purpose) when we’re out in public… without it advancing to anything else. My heart just lights up and I feel a bigger, unique kind of love when we’re relating to each other sexually.” – Robert, 48
Men love blowjobs because they feel respected
Similar to feeling loved and accepted, many men used the word “respect” in their responses.
I remember reading once that in a poll of 400 men, over 70% of the men decided that they would rather feel respected than loved, if they were to then not have the other. The author who took this theory and ran with it then went on to say that women had an almost inverse response (predominantly choosing love over respect). Whether or not this has any actual legs as a concept in the real world, it does stand to say that every person on this planet enjoys feeling admired and respected.
3.I define respect as a deep feeling of admiration for someone. Not worship necessarily, but a deep admiration. As in, “I really respect this person who they are, what they do, and how they show up in the world.”
“I know that there are some BDSM loving guys that get off on the dominance/submission aspect of receiving oral sex but that idea has never resonated with me. The closest that I can get to that idea is that I understand that it feels good to feel respected enough for my partner to willingly and excitedly take my (equally willing and excited) cock into her mouth. So yes, I’d say that the feeling of being respected definitely is a huge factor of my enjoyment of blowjobs.” – Tim, 27
Also, Men Love Blowjobs Because They Just Feel Great
Truth be told, over a third of the men that I asked what specifically it was that they liked about blowjobs were unable to articulate it.
There were many responses along the lines of “Oh man… I can’t even answer that. My brain just shuts off and I turn into a giddy, happy, pleasure-loaded bucket of happy brain chemicals. I couldn’t decipher what I’m thinking in that moment if I tried.”
Which, by the way, isn’t a guy thing as much as a human thing. Ask any person, no matter how self-aware and articulate they are, what exactly they feel in the moment that they’re climaxing and you’ll get some very patchy self-reported data. When your brain is being flooded with happy chemicals, your ability to self-analyze and be self-aware drops off considerably.
Source: Yourtango.com