By Ian Ortega
We have the infamous and famous, the dead and the alive ones, those that made a name for the bad reasons and those that made it for fair reasons. Here is a list of 10 Ugandans that we seem to have forgotten about yet they were on everyone’s lips. We have termed them as ‘viral Ugandans’ because they did spread like a virus.
1. Chris Mubiru: As a homophobic country, almost everyone was swaying for this guy’s blood. He was the first Ugandan whose gay-sex tape had leaked and his photos had made it to the cover pages of the tabloids. He sneaked out of the country and since then, he’s been coming in un-noticed but it looked like everyone was ready to flog him in public for commercializing his sodomy.
2. Gilbert Arinaitwe: After a certain day of walk-to-work, Gilbert Arinaitwe was given orders from above to stop Besigye from proceeding any further somewhere around the Mulago round-about. He sprayed cans of pepper spray at Besigye and broke into his car in a mafia style with a hammer. The next day, protests spread like Wildfire in Uganda. Sources close to us confirm that he went back for more police courses and was promoted to a bigger post. He stays in a certain estate on Entebbe road (the one where Mama Mabira stays).
3. Father Musaala: For a moment, we thought Martin luther had re-incarnated. The Priest published a dossier that exposed the hidden sinful lives of the religious orders like the Priests, the brothers and the bishops. He accused them of neglecting sons they had sired and sodomizing seminarians. He talked of a late cardinal who died of HIV/AIDS, and another Bishop in Lugazi who’s HIV positive. There was a number of priests he threatened to expose including their wives. It was a hot topic and the Catholic Church faced one of the biggest storms in its history in Uganda. We don’t know where the church investigations ended and what happened to Musaala.
4. Gaetano: Banange, this one also existed. For the first time we celebrated someone as a hero for having sex for the whole of Africa to see. We shall never forget Gaetano Jjuko Kaggwa and Abby doing it the missionary style. The last he made news is when he married the daughter of a powerful politician and concentrated on his business. I doubt the new generation knows about him. He was a practical hyena in bed.
5. Rasta Rob: We praised this Rasta, he was the thing back then on Radio. We forgot him as fast as we remembered him. As soon as he quit CBS for greener pastures abroad, we erased his name. He came back to UG but we don’t give a damn.
6. Kibwetere: We hear that the police is still doing its investment (sorry its investigations). This one burned up all the members of his cult in Kanungu promising them a one-way ticket to Heaven. Talk of broad-day ignorance. The last we heard from Police is that the guy did some plastic surgery.
7. Peter Ssematimba: He does not make news. Even when we wrote about his football league with Rema, the story did not go viral as we expected despite the authenticity of the story. These days, his make-up is more popular than him. We only try to listen to his Radio Station.
8. Seya Ssebagala: If it were not for the buffalos he has killed and keeps killing, he would be off our memories. There has never been a mayor in Kampala that people have ever loved the way they loved Seya. The last time we talked about him was when his Desire clocked 25 years for the fifth consecutive year.
9. Red Banton and Maddox: He has refused to leave Kampala, but no matter what he does, we forgot about him. Can you believe, Chameleone used to curtain raise for Banton and even kept begging him for a collabo? The world can change and people can forget. He was the first artiste to go super popular in UG and make millions off concerts. In the same league, we have Maddox Ssematimba, he used to fly in with his band from Sweden. Now he flies in Ugandan police cells, efforts to resurrect him have proved futile.
10. Pr. Kiwedde and Pr. George Okudi: Remember that pastor who would confirm to you, “oyagala motoka, kiwedde.” Well, the last time we heard of Kiwedde is when he tried to anoint a girl sexually. As for Pr.Okudi, the guy of the Wipolo hit, he is still a pastor in the United States, but we have not heard from him of late, BigEye.ug will do an interview with him soon about life in oblivion.