By Our Reporter
This is an article I didn’t want to write. It breaks my ego to write it, but well, let me take the risk on behalf of all men. Let me be the sacrificial lamb, and begin the conversations we all want to have, but are all scared to pursue.
First, a short story from Boxing Day of 2014. Time check: 1am, I found myself in a night club in Jinja. I intentionally go to Ugandan night clubs late because it’s more exciting. Why? Because Alcohol at around 1am, has already helped most of the girls to overcome their social inhibitions and most can now freely socialize without shame, they can let out their inner slut without being scared of societal judgment.
Events of 2014 had already spoiled me. I had developed a very canny habit of stealing girls right from the grip of their men in club. That could be comparable to a hyena stealing meat right from the grip of the lions, without considering that the lion had taken trouble to do the hunting of its prey.
On this particular night in Jinja, my whole book of skills came crushing down on me. I found that I couldn’t steal a girl. If I were to get a girl, I had to do the initial work myself, go check out which girls are free and approach. However, there is a downside to going to club late at night, most of the hot girls will be taken, you will be forced to pick from the average lot of survivors, camels, or ‘bumenke’.
I told myself that given my canny skill of stealing girls from their boring dudes, I could try the same here in this Jinja club. It never happened. Unlike in Kampala clubs where girls will give you dubs in the presence of the early man who got them, in Jinja, it was impossible. In fact, what made it impossible was that most of the white men in this club had already conquered all the black girls. For the first time, I acknowledged that somehow the world was skewed due to natural differences. In this one moment, I completely shed myself of any remaining belief in equality.
I saw average white men, boring white men, not even muscular, not even the funniest, the fakest dance strokes; I saw these kind of white men being the kings of this night club. They had all the hottest girls in this night club. Not only that, even girls who’d come with their men kept on chancing for an opportunity to catch the eye of these white men. It wasn’t because these white men had game or were handsome, it was because of the colour of their skin and the stereotypes that have come to be associated with them as a race.
For the first time in a long while, I willingly settled for the average pack in the night club, just to have some good dances, but deep down I knew I deserved better for this night had it not been for the white men.
I have since then come to a conclusion that; “White Men in Uganda have it so easy when it comes to girls.” A white man in Uganda doesn’t need to take a shower every day to get a Ugandan girl, he doesn’t have to use deodorant, he’s not required to have cool jokes, Ugandan girls will laugh at anything a white man says. A white man in Uganda doesn’t have to have game to land hot girls in Uganda, he just has to be white and nothing else.
Yet, their greatest strength is also their greatest weakness. In world mythology, there are countless examples of tragic characters whose greatest strength is also the source of their undoing. This was seen in characters such as Hannibal, Heracles, Narcicuss, Sisyphus, and even Oedipus. The same applies to white men.
Because Ugandan girls have constructed false stereotypes of White Men, they hold great expectations of them. One, Ugandan girls expect White men to be extremely romantic. Above all, Ugandan girls expect that white men are really loaded, able to fund all their dreams to fulfillment. However, when the Western world is sending white men to Uganda, it’s not sending the most romantic or the richest, it’s sending the rejects.
As a result, white men find themselves in a scenario where many girls throng to them automatically. However, white men can’t find love in Uganda. No Ugandan girl will ever love a white man for their being, but for what they expect them to have and do for them. Thus, whereas white men have a huge sample space of Ugandan girls at their feet, none of these girls is really that interested in them as an individual, but in their money and the abilities associated with white men. Perhaps, this is the way Mother Nature puts everything in equilibrium, so that no single race can have it all just for the colour of their skin.
For Ugandan men reading this, any time you go to a night club that has huge numbers of white men, quickly eject. This is the worst hunting ground for a Ugandan man. It’s going to be cut-throat competition. You are competing in a football game where the referee is already biased.