I can’t waste my time crying after the spilled milk of the Senegal and Uganda match. Truth be told, we were unfairly red-carded but that does not matter any longer, they have always told us to look out for the good we have. Many times, we over-focus on the things that we don’t have that we lose track of the diamonds in our own house.
For example, we have a Kiprotich Gold Medal, Senegal does not even know the meaning of a gold medal. When it comes to sports, Senegal can’t equal us, even if it tries in football, we are better in many games and sports. For example, we have Moses Golola, what thou haveth Senegal? We have Titus Tugume, (at least he has been to the world of the half-dead) , what does Senegal have?
With the exception of those spammers in our Facebook and email inboxes, I don’t see anything worth talking about Senegal. Perhaps we could talk about Cynthia whose dad left a million dollars in a certain account. We could talk about her, because she’s expressed peak interest in me as a surety for that money. I always knew God would answer my prayers of becoming a billionaire. And even with these Cynthias and Suzans who always look at my profile from Senegal, we have richer girls over here. We have Bad Black , we have Zari and we have Sharon O (she almost got there).
But on a serious note, we have Rolex and Kikomando to console our hungry bodies, Senegal has never invented a single cuisine that is low budget for bachelors and spinsters alike.
And apart from having boring musician names in Senegal. Talk of names like Youssou’Ndour , Uganda has enticing and engaging names. If you ask for Wines, we give you the Bobi Wine. If you ask for army generals, we give you Captain Dollar and General Mega Dee. If you ask for Babies, we have Bebe Cool on reserve. Senegal could have managed a win past us, but we still beat it on many platforms.
For example, our women are more international than Senegal women. When you get a Ugandan woman, you have the whole globe in your hands. Actually, I think that’s why we did not struggle going to Brazil, because we have Brazillian hair on our women. When you look at their cleavage, it says ‘made in Miami’. When you look at our Ugandan women’s noses, they are straight out of Rwanda. Our eye lashes are made in Russia, our booty is made in Saudi Arabia, our accents are made in Britain, too bad, the ankles, toes and knuckles are made in South Sudan.
Senegal may have managed to fluke us through, but Uganda avenges beyond matches. We have Mama Phina, she will make sure Senegal does not qualify for World Cup by all means, even if it will come with implications such as appearing nude on Red-pepper.
And if Senegal thinks it has better things than Uganda, it should look at our Prime Minister’s Office. Where in the World have you ever seen billions coming out of a certain building that’s not even near a bank? If Senegal really thinks it is better, it has not seen our wonderful potholes. And if Senegal men are man enough, why the heavens don’t they deal with those spammers in our inboxes. It’s like those poor ladies are looking for someone to give the money, but their men can’t stand up to the responsibility. On a serious note, we have enough things in Uganda to whine about the Senegal loss, we have a Kiprotich Gold Medal, we have President Museveni, and we have lecturers rearing goats in the lecture rooms at Makerere. When I speaketh of goats, I speaketh of the Makerere students.
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