Connect with us

Leader board

Celebrity Gossip

LETTER TO GOLOLA MOSES OF UGANDA

Published

on

By Pablo Yagayo

Dear Golola,

New TECNO Spark 3 with AI bright camera now available at RRP 429,000 UGX Click here for more

Congratulations upon defending your title as the East and Central African kickboxing champion after defeating Afande Titus Tugume, aka Hard Rock.

That fight was a manifestation that indeed your claims that you shop your groceries in a hardware shop are true. You must have drunk a jug of cement solution, nail pudding and munched some iron bars as dessert before storming the ring at Freedom City.

Rumour making the rounds in the corridors has it that after the fight that night, Tugume’s boss in the armed forces woke him up the next morning and asked him to mention his army number and he replied: “G.O.L.O.L.A M.O.S.E.S.”

You will be remembered in history, like your namesake the biblical Moses who broke all the Ten Commandments at once, as the only man who broke a hard rock with just a blow. Sports analysts believe that your punch weighed heavier than ten bags of cement and was as firm as a base beam.

I was told that your surname Golola in Luganda means “iron,” or “straighten” whereas in Lusoga it means, “go.” Basically you ironed, straightened and let go of your opponent with a knockout.

By the way, not everybody was excited about your victory. I met some boda boda cyclists arguing that Tugume must have been given large sums of money to be hammered and so it was just a gimmick to bring you back to the limelight. I don’t think a normal human being can accept to receive such a punch for the sake of money no matter the amount.

You very well know that this isn’t the first time they doubt your victory. It’s the same thing they alleged when you thumped a Sudanese Dinka, Abdul Qadia Rahim. They said he was never a kickboxer but a bus conductor from Arua park. Don’t allow such people to jeopardise your determination. All they are saying is just an opinion and as you very well know, an opinion is like a nose, everybody has one; it’s the size that differs.

Just asking, do you by any chance know where the coffin that was procured and paraded before the media as your final destination was hidden? Fate has a weird sense of humour. We need to put that coffin in the museum to remind us of a man who defied death and almost buried the procurement officer in it. I hope it’s not on sale somewhere at a serious discount since it’s now a muvumba (second hand) product.

My only concern at the moment is that we can’t handle the pain of paying at the gate and before you even locate a seat, you hear that the match has ended. It has happened twice now; first the Sudanese Dinka and now Afande Titus Tugume.

Next time, if you are sure that you are going to finish your opponent within a fraction of a second, please inform us in advance so that we spend the night at the venue like the Uganda Martyrs pilgrims. Also consider the referee’s job security. The man was paid to work; so, allow him some time to exhibit his skills lest they reduce his pay.

I tried calling your cell phone number but the lady kept saying that the call can’t go through because you had hung your clothes on the line. Since you claim to be the only man who can pocket while naked, you must have been somewhere naked and pocketing as you wait for the clothes to dry.

I don’t know if you like music but allow me to end by dedicating a few songs to you. The first is Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas, with emphasis on the chorus: “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, Those kicks were fast as lightning, In fact, it was a little bit frightening, But they fought with expert timing.”

The second is Coccodiosis by Bebe Cool, which goes: “I gat no time to play no game, Tomalira budde” and yes, Gangnam Style by PSY.

Yours in punches,
Pablo.

(Visited 1 time, 1 visit today)
Continue Reading

Celebrity Gossip

Bad Black Now Engaged, Ready for Wedding

Published

on

By Staff Writer

Bad Black aka Snail Baby got engaged last night after her mzungu lover officially proposed to her.

New TECNO Spark 3 with AI bright camera now available at RRP 429,000 UGX Click here for more

Bad Black’s boyfriend aka brother was around to capture every moment with wild cheers.

The mzungu lover has also planned to use the last one weeek to buy Bad Black some chunks of land and has asked her to write a business proposal so he invests.

Congratulations Bad Black; ekyakuzaala kikugagawaza

(Visited 1 time, 1 visit today)
Continue Reading

Celebrity Gossip

Is Lucky Mbabazi Becoming Unlucky or Hated?

Published

on

By Staff Writer

It seems all ladies with big asses have all of a sudden turned into motivational speakers.

New TECNO Spark 3 with AI bright camera now available at RRP 429,000 UGX Click here for more

Gone are the days when all that hawt babes did was post their photos and pick a random quote of Marilyn Monroe. Now they have become thought leaders. They want to have a say of every topic. They want to be appreciated for their brains

The celebs we loved yesterday are fast becoming the most hated ones. Sheilah Gashumba morphed into a night king aka Uganda’s miley cyrus.

Now it is Lucky Mbabazi. People insist she should stick to shaking her booty in studio and stop playing the morality police officer on social media.

Well despite the backlash she keeps receiving, she claims not to be bothered. But we all know it is a lie.

(Visited 1 time, 1 visit today)
Continue Reading

Celebrity Gossip

Geosteady and Norine Nabweteme’s DNA Results Are Out!

Published

on

By Staff Writer

Finally the DNA results of Geosteady and Nabweteme are out. The results come a day after Nabweteme apologized to Geosteady and got to meet the real father of her baby.

New TECNO Spark 3 with AI bright camera now available at RRP 429,000 UGX Click here for more

The DNA results also confirm that indeed Geosteady is not the father of the baby. This of course doesn’t mean that the two have never made love. Even if they did, that love never resulted in a baby.

As such, get ready for the next Geosteady concerned and album launch named; “Nze ndi Steady.”

(Visited 1 time, 1 visit today)
Continue Reading

Facebook

HOT RIGHT NOW