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LETTER TO GOLOLA MOSES OF UGANDA

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By Pablo Yagayo

Dear Golola,

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Congratulations upon defending your title as the East and Central African kickboxing champion after defeating Afande Titus Tugume, aka Hard Rock.

That fight was a manifestation that indeed your claims that you shop your groceries in a hardware shop are true. You must have drunk a jug of cement solution, nail pudding and munched some iron bars as dessert before storming the ring at Freedom City.

Rumour making the rounds in the corridors has it that after the fight that night, Tugume’s boss in the armed forces woke him up the next morning and asked him to mention his army number and he replied: “G.O.L.O.L.A M.O.S.E.S.”

You will be remembered in history, like your namesake the biblical Moses who broke all the Ten Commandments at once, as the only man who broke a hard rock with just a blow. Sports analysts believe that your punch weighed heavier than ten bags of cement and was as firm as a base beam.

I was told that your surname Golola in Luganda means “iron,” or “straighten” whereas in Lusoga it means, “go.” Basically you ironed, straightened and let go of your opponent with a knockout.

By the way, not everybody was excited about your victory. I met some boda boda cyclists arguing that Tugume must have been given large sums of money to be hammered and so it was just a gimmick to bring you back to the limelight. I don’t think a normal human being can accept to receive such a punch for the sake of money no matter the amount.

You very well know that this isn’t the first time they doubt your victory. It’s the same thing they alleged when you thumped a Sudanese Dinka, Abdul Qadia Rahim. They said he was never a kickboxer but a bus conductor from Arua park. Don’t allow such people to jeopardise your determination. All they are saying is just an opinion and as you very well know, an opinion is like a nose, everybody has one; it’s the size that differs.

Just asking, do you by any chance know where the coffin that was procured and paraded before the media as your final destination was hidden? Fate has a weird sense of humour. We need to put that coffin in the museum to remind us of a man who defied death and almost buried the procurement officer in it. I hope it’s not on sale somewhere at a serious discount since it’s now a muvumba (second hand) product.

My only concern at the moment is that we can’t handle the pain of paying at the gate and before you even locate a seat, you hear that the match has ended. It has happened twice now; first the Sudanese Dinka and now Afande Titus Tugume.

Next time, if you are sure that you are going to finish your opponent within a fraction of a second, please inform us in advance so that we spend the night at the venue like the Uganda Martyrs pilgrims. Also consider the referee’s job security. The man was paid to work; so, allow him some time to exhibit his skills lest they reduce his pay.

I tried calling your cell phone number but the lady kept saying that the call can’t go through because you had hung your clothes on the line. Since you claim to be the only man who can pocket while naked, you must have been somewhere naked and pocketing as you wait for the clothes to dry.

I don’t know if you like music but allow me to end by dedicating a few songs to you. The first is Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas, with emphasis on the chorus: “Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, Those kicks were fast as lightning, In fact, it was a little bit frightening, But they fought with expert timing.”

The second is Coccodiosis by Bebe Cool, which goes: “I gat no time to play no game, Tomalira budde” and yes, Gangnam Style by PSY.

Yours in punches,
Pablo.

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Song alert: Beckie 256 returns in double release

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Singer Beckie 256 has a had a come back after some time in the chill zone. The female singer has released two songs that could see her retain her spot on the dance floor making her fans and music lovers fall prey.

Ogamba Otya and Sikuwalana are the two latest releases from Beckie 256. While Sikuwalana is a duo featuring producer and singet Daddy Andre, Ogamba Otya is a single and Beckie 256 will make you grooves to this.

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Watch Ogamba Otya lyrics here https://youtu.be/z-kvIw1KKtQ

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I want to be like Eddy Kenzo, Ethiopia’s Tomy Plus breaks into East Africa

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Not so often do we have artistes from the horn of Africa penetrate into East Africa, after Eritrean singer Sammy is Tomy Plus who has gone against all odds to break into the very competitive East African music industry. Tomy Plus despite his short stay in the industry is impressively amazing as two of his many songs “She don’t like” and “Zena Larigat” are enjoying Massive airplay in Uganda and East Africa, not something easy.

Tomy Plus is greatly aided by his dancing talent exhibited in his videos and makes them appealing to his fans. Tomy is slowly gaining favour and following into East Africa and Uganda particularly.

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Who is Tomy Plus?

Tomy Plus real name Tomas Hailu is Ethopian aged 27 and is both a singer and dancer. His singing career started three years ago and has since done so many songs but most notably She don’t like and Zena Larigat that were done in Uganda.

He has been in Uganda three times on mission to connect with East African Countries musically as well as promoting Ethiopian Music Industry.

Tomy Plus started as a cultural dancer. He’s currently doing modern dance while singing.

He’s inspired by Chris Brown and Eddy Kenzo in Uganda.

He has performed on many big concerts in Ethiopia among them is Habesha in Ethiopia which he shared same stage with Eddy Kenzo.

Watch some of his videos here:

Zena Lagarit: https://youtu.be/iWfvQUn5vw8

Tiwejina: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8iKh2pOStNo

She don’t like: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hYrZS9JQxWQ

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Weasel Now Dating Miss Rwanda; Opening Borders of Love

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By Staff Writer

Weasel Manizo is finally happy once again and deeply in love. Even more interesting, he is now dating Miss Rwanda 2014, Teta Sandra.

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The two love birds can’t help but display public affection. The two currently live together and Weasel is even penning a love song inspired by Teta.

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