By Ian Ortega
Tired of being broke? Tired of getting to your lecture room sweating like a farmer while some of your friends cruise by in the latest cars? Tired of begging and pleading with your parents for money? And if you are on government sponsorship, tired of always striking over some small allowances?
Well, BigEye.ug brings you the full guide on how to get a Ugandan Sugar daddy or Sugar Mummy such that you can begin to rival your friends who are already enjoying life.
With a sugar mummy, you will have the latest I-phone to click on; you will have the latest clothes to walk around in, the latest car to drive and of course, the latest STD to spread.
1. Be common on the party scene: These sugar daddies and mummies are common on party scenes. Never miss a wedding or someone’s birthday party. Honour all party invitations that you get, lots of these Sugar daddies and mummies are at these parties with their spouses but they always move with their business cards and when you get one, remember to send a message.
2. Hang-out in their sections: Rich sugar mummies and daddies hang out in the VIP sections. When you go for a music concert, make sure you are going to the VIP section, that’s where you will meet handsome sugar-daddies like Ian Ortega and other BigEye.ug staff. Never settle for silver tickets, insist on a gold ticket. Once in these sections, look for a way of standing out, either speak English with a super accent, you may need to login and watch Robin Kisti on NTV for some good time to really get what I am saying. Show the sugar daddy that you have all the latest tips in dancing, in having fun and make him yearn to come into you world. So the bottom line here, is to stand out in the VIP section.
3. Frequent the Corporate places: Stop having your sodas at Chicken Tonight, leave that to those campus wannabes, your aim in this case is to attract ministers, permanent secretaries, CEOs and those big figures. Your list should be like; coffee at Sheraton, lunch at Serena, dinner at Kabira country club and the weekend should be spent at the commonwealth resort in Munyonyo. Be a fun of these places. They will spot you and they will approach you, you first reject them, then they give you their business cards and you can call them later.
4. Become a fan of Afrigo Band: These sugar daddies and sugar mummies are addicted to Afrigo band and its music; it takes them back to their youthful days. So, frequent every Afrigo band show at Club Obligato and learn some of the lyrics and strokes that accompany these songs. Be outstandingly beautiful, if it requires padding your b**bs to achieve the perfect cleavage, please do so. This is not a joking subject, it is an affair. When the daddies and mummies spot you, they will begin dancing while getting towards your area and you will be able to hook them up.
5. Improve the level of your conversation: Stop reasoning like the youth minister, Kibuule who says indecent women should be raped, you should reason like Olara Otunnu only that you should speak faster. Get involved in intelligent debate, know about inflation, about the growing economies, and impress them with all you know. It’s not bad talking about excess capacity, the GDP, and all those things. When they realize that you are an intelligent girl or dude, these daddies and mummies will fall in love with you straight away.
6. Reduce the number of your friends: Stop acting like villagers who go to the well in tens. Only have a maximum of two friends on you when you go out. Stop carrying your whole clan. These sugar daddies and mummies have approach anxiety, so they are always scared about approaching girls. Make life easier for them. When you are only two in the group, it will even be easier for all of you to end the night with a sugar daddy such that you can stop updating your Facebook status via Nokia and update it via a Samsung Note II.
7. Follow BigEye.ug, talk BigEye.ug and act BigEye.ug: Nothing sells out there like this brand and the more you associate with it, the better. Visiting the BigEye.ug website before an exam can save you from a retake, having a Tee-shirt with the words BigEye.ug automatically makes you super handsome (if you are a guy) or super beautiful (if you are a girl). So associate with this brand, make sure your friends are associated with this brand, those sugar mummies and daddies will see this and they will automatically fall for you.
8. Become a celebrity of sorts: Have some talent to you, either a radio or TV presenter somewhere, be a show host in a night club or an upcoming female or male artiste. These sugar daddies and mummies enjoy supporting and promoting ‘celebrities’ who are on the sure road to fame. So, if you have ever sung something in your bathroom then, it’s time to hit a music studio and release your next hit song. You can always plagiarize a Nigerian beat and sing to it. When they see you, they will yearn for you.
Disclaimer: These 8 tips will guarantee you a sugar mummy and sugar daddy without any struggle. BigEye.ug is not responsible for the outcomes of getting a sugar daddy and sugar mummy whatsoever.
If you get acid attacks from your co-wives, you are responsible, if you get the latest virus of HIV, you are responsible and if you get pregnant, you are still responsible for your choices. The best you can do is beginning a business at campus and grow it as a side-income source.