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How Bebe Cool, Eddy Kenzo and Captain Dollar Songs affect Ugandan students

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By Ian Ortega

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The BigEye.ug national research on the effect of Ugandan songs on school students has been released. The study which lasted for over a year was conducted on a group of over 10000 students in the different districts of Uganda. Here are the results:

1. Research Has shown that children who listened to Kenzo and Diamond Oscar  music stood better chances of excelling in the Luganda Subject and scoring poorly in the English Language.

2. Students who listened to Bebe Cool’s music were found to be stubborn, big headed, and always got suspensions from school, they had many haters but they still performed well in school. These students were also found of bragging about their parents’ wealth and this made them fail to create their own.

3. Students who listened to Bobi Wine’s music were found to be drug addicts and reported an occurrence of red-eyes during their course of study. These students were also found of fighting and using obscene words though they were patriotic and loved their kingdoms.

4. Those students who listened to Master Blaster, and Captain Dollar songs were found to have high libidos. Girls who played these songs more than twice a day reported early pregnancies while the males reported STDs.

5. Students who listened to Jamal’s songs were found to be depressed. These students had hysteria and were always sobbing in their beds. They had many heart-breaks and always thought that love was unfair and longed for love-teachers.

6. Students who listened to Pr.Bugembe’s songs were observed to be very spiritual and loving. However they grew up to be bachelors and kept people guessing about their girlfriends and boyfriends.

7. Then there was a category of students who played Mun-G’s songs. These ones were found to be hilarious and reported no stress. These students always cracked up the classrooms and helped to make school worth it.

8. Those students who listened to The Mith, Navio and Edwin Ruyonga reported high levels of swag, they always sagged their pants and used lots of swag. The parents of these children were also found to be very rich though these students never bragged about their parents.

9. Students who listened to Zari’s music reported a high number of retakes at University. Such songs were found to erase the knowledge in a student’s head. Similar conditions were reported in students who listened to Leila Kayondo songs.

Captain Dolla

Captain Dolla

10. Beautiful but unlucky students were found of listening to Juliana Kanyomozi and Irene Namubiru songs. These students had all the looks but their relationships never lasted in school. However these students were loved by their fellow students and teachers. Some were found of sneaking drugs unknowingly into school.

11. Students who listened to Sharon O’s music grew up to be husband snatchers. These students were beautiful, and bitches.

The research also showed that songs of Chameleone, Maurice Kirya and Mathias Walukaaga helped weak students to improve in their academics. Songs like Bogola Ko were responsible for heart-attacks, songs like Kataala led to spoilt behaviour among students and most of these students dropped out of school. Red Banton songs helped encourage students who kept on repeating classes not to drop out since they kept consoling themselves saying: “Sigya Kuuva Musomeero, nze nemedeewo ngaanye.”

Those were the results of the study. The study will continue in a part two. BigEye.ug reserves the right to the results from the study and anyone who shares the result must acknowledge the source.

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