Somehow we always manage to fit Facebook into all relationship/hookup/guy-meets-girl talks. I understand it. The image we portray to the world is now through statuses and pictures. But how does that fit into our special, or not so special, someone?
I am happy to do my best to shed light on how to navigate the complicated world of The Facebook with the first ever ultimate Facebook rule book!
Pictures
Hi girls. I am a guy. I met you at a fundraiser and now would like to get to know you so we exchange names and numbers and now I go home and friend you. You accept. All of the sudden the business-casual, classy beauty at the affair turns into a funneling, ice-luging, pole dancing, make out queen of Indiana University. Here’s the bottom line on pictures: take them down.
Now pick yourself off the floor and hear me out. I do not mean all of them. I just mean the ones that do not portray the real you. Facebook is a self-celebritizer (I have copyrights on that word…don’t even think about using it without citing me). You are your own PR person. So most of you right now who are looking for real, truthful, wholesome relationships have it in your best interest to project a real, truthful, wholesome you.
Most of you went to college and most of you partied really, really, really, hard. Who needs to see that over and over again? By the way you can always save the pictures to your computer that you can’t let go of. Go on your facebook and take a hard look at every picture and ask yourself, “Is sexy Halloween cow girl riding the bull at The Roxy the image I’m going for?” If it is by all means keep it up there…just expect a cowboy in return. And cowboys usually don’t stick around in one town for too long.
When to Friend Him
You can walk down the street passing people and just by hearing two seconds of girl-convo will most likely hear this topic being debated twice to 40 times a day. “Should I friend him? I just met him. Should I wait? What are the rules? Does it even mean anything?” You should friend him. You should wait. There are rules. And it does mean something.
First, he’s probably not going to friend you first so don’t worry about that. It means nothing. So now that we’ve established that you’ll be doing the friending the question is when. I am a staunch believer in holding out as long as possible. Facebook has pictures and statuses of you since when you were 18 years old. Maybe earlier. As twisted as it may seem, FB is a deep look into who you really are. What you believe in. Democrat or Republican. Gay or Straight. Funny or Boring. Has been to 20 Dave Matthews Band concerts, or despises them.
Get to know the guy the old fashioned way first. That means face to face and using a telephone. Of course, if things pick up, somewhere down the line you’ll send that precious friend request. But learn him naturally before you show him that you’re a boring, lesbian, republican, Dave Matthews Band fanatic.
Relationship Status
Whoa. I think this is above my pay grade. But I will tell you what I know. First, no in-between statuses like “it’s complicated.” I think that should be obvious. Secondly, no surprises. This is also obvious, but he should not find out he’s your boyfriend through his mom who saw it through her sister who knows a girl that read it on your wall.
Make sure your clear about the relationship being official before you FB officailize it (also copyrighted). Most importantly, you need to make sure he is comfortable with this being public knowledge and you need to be OK if he is not! It would be sketchy if he hid you from his friends and family in real life, but some guys do not need FB to validate that they’re in a mutual, loving relationship. It would show some serious insecurities if you fought over this point.
Also, the same goes the other way around. Stand your ground if you are not comfortable with publicizing it and he is. It shows signs of insecurity on his part if he needs that in order to be with you. Your relationship starts and ends with the two of you…not the rest of the world.
Posts
When you find yourself in a consistent relationship with someone it is okay to post pictures of the two of you in your everyday lives enjoying each others company. Just know that all your single friends will begin to hate you on that day. Just kidding….kinda.
Posts of yourself with your “guy” are cool, but PDA is not. Your mom has access to your account. Oh you didn’t accept her friend request you say? She has hacked into the mainframe and paid off Zuckerberg and she’s in there. She, nor any of us, need to see 12 selfies in a row of you making out in front of Niagara Falls. Keep the kiss cam at home.
While we’re on this huge topic, there is also no need to post every single one of his acts of kindness towards you. Not only are you now pissing off our single and dating friends, not to mention showing more insecurity by trying to prove your boyfriend is betters than hers, but it’s also not even the way most guys like to be appreciated. If he really goes above and beyond by all means you should be painting the walls of “the book” with shots of the room full of roses and candles he set out for you for your special anniversary. But try to keep posts like, “Aww my boo just made me PB&J for lunch..#couldntaskforabetterguy” off the wall. You’ll scare him and me.
Breaking up
If you do not read or remember any part of this article, please just take this part with you. I stayed “friends” with my ex-girlfriend from high school for nine years after we broke up! Nine years! It was literally until I was 25 that I decided enough is enough and in a sweaty, crazy, melodramatic moment with my friends cheering me on, de-friended her! It is the single best thing anyone can do today to get over an ex.
Only ten years ago or so, when you broke up with someone you just had to cautiously avoid them at the party or the grocery store or the hallway or the office like you were a trained stealth ninja. Now, not even Jackie Chan can ninja his way out of seeing that his first love just got into a new relationship with some overweight jock who’s not that great at basketball anyways! Excuse me I just had a moment…I’m back now. But that is what happens and we’ve all gone through it.
We as people, for reasons someone more knowledgeable than me may understand, enjoy torturing ourselves after we lose the girl/guy of our dreams. I am not going to lie…it is very hard to discard that ex from your cyber social circles for good. But I implore you to do so to bring pure closure and clarity into your life and make way for your next love.
Last but not least…Facebook means nothing
I know this kinda contradicts what I said before about FB meaning something but as we all know deep down inside, it means nothing. My best friend from high-school just got engaged and he never joined the phenomenon. Not when it was cool in high-school, not when it was cool in college, and not now. And guess what? He is a happy, about to be married dude with a beautiful, kind girl. When he proposed to his girlfriend the strangest thing happened: my phone rang. It was him. He was choked up and I knew he had finally asked. He told me with his words and it was beautiful. No posts. No pics. No show. Just life.
Most of us are not as brave as him to cut ourselves off from social media. It’s OK. Just follow the First Ever Ultimate Facebook Rulebook and you’ll all be fine.
Source: A New Mode
