As a guy, I can tell you that the time between his decision to propose and finally doing it is rife with questions about what the future might hold.
But that’s actually not a bad thing at all, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship.
“People should make sure they’re comfortable bringing their partner into their family and vice versa,” says Greer. “You have to make sure you can be yourself with your partner and that you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with him or her.”
So what are the questions guys have literally asked themselves before taking a knee?
Here, nine men explain:
“Can I live with her family?”
“I kept asking myself if I could stand her family forever. They’re such a dramatic group of people who make a huge deal out of everything. Planning a weddingwith her mom seemed like it would be a nightmare. Then, I’d have to spend a lot of holidays with them. Eventually, I realized I was marrying her and not her family, and it’s been fine. She doesn’t really like them, either.” —Anthony P.
“Will this marriage work?”
“I asked myself, ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ a million times before I proposed. Though a lot of marriages don’t make it, I proposed because there was only one real way to find out if ours would work or not. And I felt like it was going to.” —Christopher L.
“Could I have sex with one person forever?”
“Many times I asked myself, ‘Do I really want to have sex with one person for the rest of my life?’ To be honest, the answer was no, but there’s more to life than sex. Some might call me lame, but I really love coming home to her every night.” —Frank N.
“What if she says no?”
“I spent many sleepless nights asking myself what would happen if she said ‘no’ when I proposed. It was a possibility, right? She could say she wasn’t ready or just didn’t want to marry me. Then what? Do you come back from that or do you break up? I decided to ask anyway because I didn’t want to live together for the rest of our lives without getting married.” —Harrison S.
“Is this really it?”
“I always thought that when I was ready to ask someone to marry me, I’d be 100 percent sure that it was the right thing to do. But when the time came, I asked myself if I was doing the right thing with the right person. That’s how I figured out it wasn’t time yet, and I waited for another three months. At that point, I was sure. We’ve been married almost a decade and have three beautiful daughters.” —Blake A.
“Will I be a good dad?”
“My now-wife and I talked a lot about how we wanted to start a family, and when I was thinking about proposing I thought about whether I would be a good dad. Though becoming a father was way down the line from getting engaged, I couldn’t help thinking about our future. We’re married now, and my wife has told me many times that she thinks I’ll make a great dad. I love her so much for that.” —Garret R.
“Am I actually ready?”
“I’m from a place where it’s normal to get married and start a family in your 20s. I had a few family members who thought that I should be married by the time I hit 30. But I never wanted to put a timeline on that stage of my life. So when I felt like I was ready to propose at 28, I started to question whether I was doing it for the right reasons. At the end of the day, I decided I was. The only reason to propose to someone is that you love them so much that you don’t want to be with anyone else.” —Greg H.
“Is she in this for my money?”
“This sounds arrogant, but I have enough money to live a lavish life and support a family with one income. So before I proposed to her, I asked myself if she was in this relationship for the money. In the past, girls have dated me for that reason. But I ultimately realized that she’s not with me because of my money. She actually still works and says that even when we start a family, she’ll keep working.” —Zack K.
“Is this necessary?”
“I kept asking myself if we really needed to get married. Marriage is an antiquated thing, and to me it didn’t really mean anything. I was going to love her whether she was my wife or not. But because getting married was important to her, I decided that it was important to me.” —Brendon R.
Source: Women’s Health Mag