“[katogoaward]”
By Ian Ortega
During the launch of the Miss University beauty pageant at Guvnor, the following universities were selected; SLAU, Nkumba, MUK, MUBS, Muteesa 1, KIU and Cavendish. Other universities, notably Kyambogo University were left out.
The BigEye.ug team carried out a survey and established 10 reasons why Kyambogo did not make it.
1. The Name of The University
When you try to break down Kyambogo, you get something similar to “Of the Buffalo”, the organizers were so scared that the students of this University in Banda may find themselves in a very endangering situation which could lead to loss of wildlife, aka Buffalos. Thus, the best option was to save the English, save the Wildlife and preserve the environment.
2. There are no Girls In Kyambogo
According to a student from MUK, the most likely cause could be the absence of girls in Kyambogo. “There are no girls in Kyambogo, the only option is for them to wait for Mr.University where they will be eligible to contest.” It is believed that the ratio of boys to girls in Kyambogo is 10 to 1, for every one girl, there are 10 dudes yearning for her. If you doubt, try the Engineering area of the University.
3. The Beautiful Are Not Yet Born
According to Philosophers at Kyambogo, the beautiful ones in this campus are not yet born. Until such a time in future when beauty arises out of this Banda Kingdom, the University has vowed not to participate in such competitions that may cause real beautiful girls to sue the KYU contestants. One of the MUBS students commented; “Kyambogo girls are super handsome, they are not beautiful.”
4. Mothers were not allowed
The rules of the competition barred mothers and weekend wives from competing thus Kyambogo opted out. “We would rather wait for Miss Mothers Union, we shall win that one, we are unchallenged,” commented a girl from Banda.
5. Tests In Progress
Since Kyambogo is currently in its period of tests, they were not ready for other tests concerning their beauty. “Everything has its own season, it’s now academic work, beauty won’t put food on the table, a degree will,” a girl consoled herself.
6. It was Not an Eating Competition
At KYU, there is a motto, “For God and My stomach”, when the girls learned that this was not an eating competition, they vowed to snub it. “We are used to eating competitions, not things of wasting time, showing off her wonderful bodies without anything for our stomach’s benefit,” said the girls’ representative. The Guild president of KYU has thus asked the organizers to put into consideration a possibility of an eating competition at next year’s pageant.
7. Kyambogo Is Not A University
This was fronted by a student from “Kenyans in Uganda”-KIU. He noted that “Kyambogo just like UCU is an advanced secondary school; this is a competition for universities not high schools.” Thus the mighty KYU was left out.
8. Over-size ladies were not allowed
According to the organizers, most of the KYU girls that turned up were size 20 models, yet the competition aimed at slender, size 1, stick ladies. Since Kyambogo Girls have the best assets in the country, they could not make it beyond the model size unlike the MUK ladies with no booty, no boobs, and just flat screens.
9. The Students failed to figure out the location of Club Guvnor
According to the PRO of Banda, Mr.Moses Abeka, “we spent a whole day trying to locate where Guvnor is found, someone directed us to Kikoni but we failed to find it, as we speak, we are in Nakasero looking for Guvnor, if it fails, we shall search for it in Naalya.” Thus by press time, the students had not yet located Club Guvnor, our reporters have it that they may locate it next year when it opens a branch in Owino or Kisekka market.
10. I wrote this under the influence of Alcohol
Well, we are not really sure why KYU was left out, but when we finally become sober, we shall call up the organizers and get an official statement on the issue. Otherwise, till next time, we are the BigEye.ug family, we agree to disagree.
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