By Ian Ortega
1. The first Aid box is empty.
2. The driver can stop where there is no parking to pick up a passenger but can’t do the same if the passenger is alighting from the taxi.
3. Carrying big notes of money is a big crime. The conductor can abuse and even slap you for carrying a Shs50,000 note.
4. There is a spare tire below the back seat.
5. Conductors know about compass directions, they point northwards to show “Iganga-Mbale-Jinja” they point east wards to show Nakawa, Ntinda, they point down to show kireka-banda and point west-wards to show Luzira- Bugolobi.
6. Passengers can put their phones on loud-speakers and play music for everyone to listen.
7. Prices change with time and dress code. If it’s morning hours, the prices are more, at lunch-time, they are halved and in the evening, they are raised once again.
8. People comfortably eat roasted ground-nuts and boiled eggs as they converse with each other.
9. Two Bakigas in a conversation can make one think they are talking via a loud-speaker.
10. The person outside the taxi via the stage is more important than the passengers inside.
11. The E on the fuel gauge means Enough not Empty.
12. Passenger makes /receives a phone call and talks on top of his/her voice as if he/she is in his/her living room.
13. Passenger fart/gas and blame the leaking sewage in the city.
14. Lazy girls hate sitting in the behind seats.
15. You can vibe a girl and she forgets about her journey.
16. Conductor and Passenger can fight and tear each other’s clothes for Shs100.
17. A Girl’s wig can get stuck on the door as she’s leaving and only remembers when she’s out with her bald head.
18. A taxi licensed to carry 14 passengers instead carries 20 of them.
19. Places where people stop have all sorts of names: “E wa Muzeeyi” “Ku muvule” “Ku kkikirira”
20. Taxis have all sorts of slogans written over them: “Nonya Maata ga Brian” “Oseeka Kki” “Guula Eyiiyo” “Mugisha silikwerabiira” “Bakoowu.”
21. Taxis lack indicators and one of the conductor’s role is to act as an indicator and side-mirror by using his hands to direct the driver.
22. Conductors try to speak English when they see white passengers, “Wama mzungu you have clever, sit and we shall stop you eye there (mu maaso awo).”
23. Where you are given names according to looks: Those with grey hair and wrinkles―mukadde or mzee, those who are a bit aged―taata or Maama, hot girls and guys with sagging pants―campuser, short ones with baby faces―yanga, those in suits―boss.
24. Change is referred to as balance. “Conductor mpa balance wange.”
25. You are not sure whether you will reach your home 100% alive.
26. A big pot-hole can remind you that you are about to reach home every time you bump into it.
27. Where The bu-vacists, who always sit at the back and make sure everyone in the taxi listens to their stupid slang… “Gene,that ish is just for shizzo… mai mite and fite hallad me a brand new Galako(Galaxy) u gage?Shyt just”
28. ADD MORE…