By Ian Ortega
As you are all aware, Makerere University resumes officially on Friday 30th August 2013 after the lecturers agreed to return to work and called off their strike. Well, here are the seven reasons why they called off the strike and why the University has been reopened.
1. Goats Take Long To Mature: According to a lecturer in the Economics section, when the president advised them to rear goats, they thought it was a better option. But some weeks down the road, the goats have not yet matured yet the salary would have matured by now. “Salary matures faster than goats,” a lecturer confessed. So they agreed to return to work.
2. Lecturers Missed The Hot Girls: MUK boasts of having the girls who have more make-up on their bodies than flesh. The lecturers who had already laid strategies to get the female freshers could not hold on longer and decided to call off the strike. “We would rather work for a low salary than miss the optical nutrition these girls give us,” they said.
3. Tamale Mirundi Had Applied to Lecture: Since the only intellectual in the country had applied for the role of a lecturer at the University, MUK lecturers decided to return to their jobs before his job application is confirmed successful. Mirundi keeps bragging of having an IQ that doubles that of the MUK professors, they could not sit down and watch him prove to students about his IQ.
4. Ofwono Opondo Remarks Sunk in well: The executive director of media centre assured us that even if MUK were to be closed for year, the NRM government would not fall. So the lecturers realized they were going to spend a full year with no salaries except goats to rear and goat-dung to pick up, they decided to return for lectures.
5. You can make more money on the Job: Since lectures sell marks at the university, they realized, it’s better to teach, give students retakes and watch them bribe their way out of the retakes. And besides, they have the bazaar coming on which is another great opportunity to scout for new wives.
6. Big Brother Ended: Since most of the lecturers were tuned to watching the Big Brother Shower hour, they now had nothing to watch in the after-math of Big Brother ending. And besides, University gives them free internet to surf porn-websites, so it’s better for them to call off the strike and enjoy such freebies.
7. We did not give a damn about their 100% salary increment: Asking for 100% salary increment when 90% of the material they teach is from Google, Wikipedia, Facebook and Twitter did not make sense. So we told them to continue striking as we continue relaxing at home and making more money. Well, now they are back, because out there, no one cares whether you are a professor or a teaching assistant, out-there everyone is considered a goat.