By Ian Ortega
For the thousands of fans who were left stuck outside with their tickets, to people like Roger Mugisha, who walked back to their cars, to music artistes who were bounced at the gates, here are some ten things to do with your Konshens tickets:
1. Pack Mandazi/Muwogo with your tickets. Your ticket can come in handy as you by pass that woman frying cassava along the way, you can use your ticket to pack the cassava aka muwogo. At least, you will have put the ticket to good use, even the show was mandazi itself.
2. Use it as Toilet Paper. When you run out of toilet paper at home and you only realize it after shitting, remember, you ticket is a paper itself. You can use it to rub yourself of the biggest disappointment of the year termed as the Konshens and Alaine concert.
3. Keep it for next year. You know these days, Konshens launches from Uganda and you can expect him to come back next year, just reserve your ticket and use it to attend next year’s concert which may only happen in your dreams.
4. As a shopping list. For those people who have amnesia, you can use this ticket as a shopping list to note down every item you need to buy from the shop and the market. It will come in handy.
5. To vibe campus girls. You can use this ticket to vibe campus chics, more so MUBS and MUK chics who keep shouting Konshens’ name. When you see a hot girl you love, just shove the ticket in her face and she will scream, “Bonaparte fi dem cum shah make me yah scream a fi di bed.”
6. To buy a Pepsi product. Since Pepsi sponsored and organized the concert, wouldn’t it be right to use this ticket to buy a Pepsi or a Mirinda. After all, these drinks taste better than the discomfort we experienced at the show.
7. Give it to a baby to practice drawing. As for my case, my little niece is using the Konshens ticket to perfect her drawing skills, by the time I left, she had drawn the picture of a girl screaming after a thief made away with her money purse.
8. As a Reminder to always shun Pepsi Shows. We can’t say Konshens was the bad guy in this case even though his performance was mediocre, but we can use this ticket as a reminder that any international show organized by Pepsi is like expecting Golola Moses to live up to his words in the ring.
9. To write numbers of girls who have given you the rat. If you are a dude, you can use this ticket to write the numbers of the girls who have given you the rat such that you don’t pick them up when they tell you, they’re pregnant. For the girls, you can use the tickets to note down the numbers of the dudes whose wallets need drying from your detoothing skills.
10. To practice Jamaican Patois/Patwa. You can use this ticket to practice patois, for example, begin off from the basics of patois like the famous Bobi Wine line of; “Fi dem Kankana wen dey si mi”