In relationships, honesty is the best policy. Mostly. There are certain times when fudging the truth is not only acceptable, but advisable.
There are certain things you always need to be upfront about if you want a woman to trust you. Your real name, for instance. If you have a girlfriend, a wife (or husband), or have kids. If you have any STDs. If you’re currently on the run from the Law. Beyond that, there are a lot of gray areas — especially when you first begin dating someone.
I’m not saying that telling lies is something you want to make a habit of, but there are things that are better left unsaid. So if you lie to about these eight things it won’t hurt the relationship, and might even help you avoid a blowout fight.
1. HOW MUCH YOU KNOW ABOUT AN EX
We know you occasionally think — or even fantasize — about an ex. (We do it, too.) But we don’t want to hear any updates about her, especially if you’re happy spending time with us. So if for some reason after a few glasses of wine we ask what Lindsay, Emily, or any of your other exes are up to these day, spare us details. Otherwise, we’ll assume you’re still into her or that you at least keep tabs on her.
2. ANY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH DETAILS
In the early stages of dating you don’t want this type of info to overshadow any getting-to-know you stuff. For example, I once dated a guy who on date two let it slip that he went to therapy five times a week. For the next few dates, that was all I could think about whenever I saw him.
I didn’t know him well enough to know how that detail fit into his identity, so that became his identity. If the relationship progresses, these types of things are important to share. But there’s a time and a place for everything, and it’s never within the first few dates.
3. WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF HER FRIENDS AND FAMILY
If she can’t stop gushing about her wonderful friends, it’s in your best interest to follow suit and not say anything negative, even if you think her friends are terrible and dumb. But if she constantly bitches about how overbearing her mom is, then you can … trust me when I say that you should still stay the hell out of it and not say anything negative. After you’ve been together for a significant amount of time, then maybe you can be more honest if you don’t like a friend or family member. But even then, it may not be worth it.
4. WHAT YOUR FAMILY REALLY THINKS OF HER (OR HER FAMILY)
“They think you’re great.” That’s all you have to say. Be careful of repeating stuff that seems innocuous to you. For instance, something like, “My mom thinks you work too much.” Doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? In fact, it sounds like your mom is simply expressing concern about your girlfriend. But what you girlfriend may very well hear is, “My mom thinks you don’t take good enough care of me.”
Oh, and by the way? That may very well be what your mom actually thinks, and she may have said the “work too much” thing knowing you’d tell your girlfriend (because you are an idiot) and that your girlfriend would know what your mom really means (because she, like your mom, is a woman). Yes, even moms can be that devious.
5.YOUR XXX SEXUAL EXPLOITS
Let’s say the woman you’re dating starts asking you questions about your previous sex life. She sounds playful, like it’s no big deal, and like it may even turn her on to hear about them. Now, there are women for whom that is the case. They are rare, and while that sounds like an awesome trait for a woman to have, it also often comes along with some other issues.
Anyway, back to you: If you’ve had lots of threesomes, or you’ve gotten serviced in the Champagne Room, you’re safest keeping it to yourself. Why? Because your girl may just be sniffing around for things to be upset about (it sounds idiotic, and it is, but most people do it, and not just women). So start slow (“Well, one time in college I had sex twice in one night! … With my serious girlfriend.”) and then use your judgment about telling her the real crazy stuff.
6. YOUR NUMBER
Exchanging details on the number of people you’ve had sex with is like gassing shots at happy hour before meeting her parents for the first time — nothing good will come of it. If the conversation comes up, play it coy and don’t commit to an exact number. Then find a way to slyly change the subject. If she’s the one to bring up her own past and asks if your number is similar, it’s fine to vaguely agree to her range by saying something like “That sounds about right” even if your real number is nowhere near hers.
7. HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR MOM
We love a dude who loves his mom. But when you talk about her all the time, let us know she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen (which is something a guy told me once), or even that your cell is still on her family plan, it makes us feel like you don’t have room in your life for another woman.
8. HOW MUCH YOU SPENT ON YOUR FLAT SCREEN, CAR, WATCH, ETC.
It’s great if you’re successful. And if you make a lot of money, good for you. But unless we’re getting ready to combine finances, there’s no point in telling us how much you’re spending on things. As long as you’re not battling bill collectors and can walk to your front door without worrying about seeing an eviction notice, it’s best to keep money matters vague.
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