By Moses Abeka
A young boy enjoys sweets, hugs and favours like carrying them on laps and back from older girls. When he matures to a young man, his girl friends expect the same treatment from him. Just like a desert thirsts water, society too has its unending demands. At every stage in life we are expected to place our share to life’s demand and move on to the next step to live a ”complete life”.
However, what happens when one holds onto a certain stage longer than expected while the train of life moves to the next station? He runs the gauntlet under public microscope.
The thought of a poverty stricken polygamous husband in remote Dokolo village enjoying the warmth of four wives on a papyrus ”matrimonial mat” on a cold night, all wives virgin before marriage while an intelligent, educated, wealthy man grapples with lacerating coldness on a state of the art double bed typing away the next day’s presentation on a Mac Pro book, baffles my mind.
At that point, Olara Otunno comes in picture, a well framed picture, with no lady on the side, back or front. Presenting to you dear readers reasons why Olara Otunno is single.
1. GIRLS OF THESE DAYS! Every man worth his name and status wants a respectful, hardworking lady who can stand by you, come rain come sun. Who will marry these Kampala women? The kind that can’t knit a button on a shirt, leaving dirty linen in public? Not Olara, son of Lango.
2. NO VIRGINS, ALL RAPED BY KONY. Remember Lokete Lee’s song? Sing along. There are no virgins in Gulu. They were all raped by Kony. The situation is poor. But dear president we are happy. With such lyrics stuck in his mind while in exile, Olara is surely waiting for the next generation of virgin brides. He might have made the song his ringtone to avoid temptation of drinking from public pots walking along every street.
3. TEAM NO WIG, NO WEAVE. The African linen shirts coupled with clean shaven head represent Olara’s impeccable taste for keeping things natural. It is unlikely for such a man to find pleasure in artificial looking made up women who constitute 99% of Kampala women!
4. WORK…WORK… WORK! A hark working citizen, Olara rose from a village in Lira to head prefect at Kings College Buddo, guild president at MUK and is currently working with UN. These are fruits of extra ordinary sacrifice. Eve brought mankind fate. Abigail led Samson to his grave, closer to home kassim Ouma lost his punching prowess, Bad Black left mzee David Greenhalgh chasing after dollars! Beware! Olara is wiser.
5. BOOKS! One of the reasons Bigeye.ug’s Brian is not married is because of books. These books can marry a man. You invest in her needs, open her wide open all night, she disappoints, you make up…. almost a relationship! Olara’s facebook status may read… in relationship with Books!
6. LOOK BEYOND THE HORIZON. An inner voice asked Olara,” Look beyond the horizon, beyond the drifting clouds of 1986 fundamental change. What do you see my son? Olara answered, ”I see my clean shaven head shining at State House reflecting new light in the future of Uganda”. He holds unto that dream and won’t let a woman distract him.
7. PRIESTS NEED INSPIRATION, MUSAALA NEEDS INSPIRATION. Without any training in celibacy, Olara has controlled his carnal instincts like a whip guides a horse to the well. The priests need such men and stop admiring their flock. The master is soon returning to His flock!
8. LEGACY. May be he wants to be included in Bigeye.ug’s list of ”most successful celibates who never attended seminary”. I tell you, his name would come second to Christ.
9. BAD- BLACK-ISM. This is self-explanatory.
10. SECRET PRIVATE LIFE. Olara is smart, intelligent, educated and quick witted. He might have passed his genes already. Look at Pitbull, don’t they resemble?
11. This one is reserved.
12. PHIONA BIZZU BIZARRE. When Phiona was crowned Miss Uganda. it is said Olara was informed that a certain belle just a stone throw away from his ancestral home was Uganda’s most beautiful. On seeing the picture, according to the legend, Olara was like,”If Bizzu is Uganda’s most beautiful then I would rather abstain! The beautiful are not yet born!
13.FIRST LOVE MALAISE. His first love might have shattered his heart forcing him to succumb and withdraw from love issues like the way he withdraw from voting for himself at the presidential elections!
I could have gone on and on till number 20 but Uganda does not need 7 more reasons. Uganda needs his genes rich in intelligence, brilliance, Pan African-ism, all traits endangered today and being replaced by mutated genes soiled with corruption! I saved you the effort of reading 7 more reasons so that you may share this article till it gets to Uganda House. Thanks for reading!