Historically, men have always been the hunter-gatherers, while women stayed at home to do all the household chores. In other words, men did the pursuing while women were meant to do the hanging around.
Although such traditional views might seem out of place in today’s modern world, when it comes to dating it is exactly how things should remain: Men have an obligation to do all the pursuing, while women just need to wait for Prince Charming to turn up. It’s just basic chivalry, which is sadly a dying art.
Unfortunately, tables have turned in recent years, largely thanks to online dating and apps such as SnapChat. Rather than do all the hunting down themselves, men are now leaving it up to the women to put some effort in, too.
“I’m just gonna sit here playing my video games while y’all come at me.” In my experience, though – and the experience of many other women – relationships just don’t work out when women do the chasing. It’s surely not always because we’re bad at picking out the right guys. Maybe sometimes it’s because the guys don’t even want to be hunted down in the first place, and when we ask them out they think “guess it gives me something to do while my latest game downloads.”
In other words, we end up dating a man who isn’t in it for the long haul. Let’s take a look at 10 reasons why you must never chase a man.
1. He generally doesn’t want to be caught
I covered this point briefly in the intro, but I’m going to elaborate on it here. Look, if you have to chase down a man, it usually means that he’s got commitment issues and doesn’t actually want to be caught.
Sure, he might be absolutely gorgeous, and he might even have a wining personality, but you’re chasing him for a reason.
Any man who actually wants to be with you won’t need to be hunted down. Instead, they’ll come running towards you with open arms! And if you think you can change a committment-phobe into a man who is ready to settle down, you really should think again.
2. You become fixated
Chasing a man is not good for your mental health. It can make you feel anxious, and you start to feel paranoid that every little thing he says on social media is aimed at you. You even start analysing all his texts, and you play the “He Loves, He Loves Me Not” game.
3. It can be humiliating
Maybe there is one guy you’ve been chasing for a few months now. You’ve made it obvious everywhere you go that you want him. You’ve constantly posted links to his Facebook wall, retweeted all his lame tweets, messaged him, texted him, called him up, “accidentally” bumped into him and so on. Everyone knows you’re chasing this guy, from your mom and closest friends to his Facebook friend’s who have never met you. For this reason, it’s actually starting to get a bit humiliating now because he’s clearly not responding. Give up the ghost and find a man who actually wants you.
4. You become distracted
When you’re chasing a man, this tends to become the focal point of your life. It’s pretty stressful and time-consuming, after all. As such, everything else becomes difficult. It gets hard to concentrate at work, at home or at school. All other priorities recede into the distance and your life effectively becomes temporarily put on hold. And for what?
5. You are missing out on other guys
One of the reasons we chase down men is because we’re deeply attracted to them. But as soon as it becomes clear that the attraction isn’t what you’d call mutual, it’s important that you realise when it’s time to call it quits. Using up all your precious time and energy on just one guy who’s evading you means that you’re likely missing out on lots of other top guys who want you. Once you stop chasing a lost cause, you’re giving yourself a chance to be caught by other men who are interested in you. Take yourself out of the race, take a breather and see what else is out there.
6. You become jealous
You want this guy and you’ve been spending lots of months chasing him down. Only, there’s now another girl on the scene who’s been posting on his Facebook wall quite a lot recently. You’ve got an enemy (an attractive one) and you’re now jealous and more distracted than ever before.
7. Even if you catch him, it doesn’t mean much
Okay, so you’ve finally convince him that you’re worth a shot. You’ve managed to capture his body and he’s agreed to spend some time with you. You’ve won. Yay! Um.
Not quite.
See, while you might well have caught his body, it doesn’t mean that you’ve ensnared his heart. They can be there with you physically, but their spirit and mind can still be a million miles away. Although he’s coming out for dinner with you, his mind might still be on other questions:
“What am I doing here?”
“How do I get out of this?”
“I can’t believe I managed to let her talk me into coming here tonight.”
It’s important to remember that guys who you have to chase tend to be free spirits, which means they’re really hard to keep hold of. Don’t believe for one minute that you’ve won just because you’re on a date with him.
8. You’ll feel like a failure
Ultimately, you won’t succeed in your pursuit. As such, you will likely feel like a failure after all those months of pointless chasing. He still doesn’t like you – and this can really hurt your self-esteem. It’s better to give up as early as possible and move onto a guy who does appreciate you. Why harm yourself like this? It isn’t worth it!
9. He’s probably not a great guy
Great guys don’t require any chasing. They’re totally upfront and open with you, and they’re always available if you need them. They don’t go hiding, and they certainly don’t let a lady wear herself out through hunting him down. If a good guy wants to be with you, he will tell you. If he doesn’t, he’ll keep stringing you along to see where this charade is going to end up.
10. It’ll be one sided anyway
Even if you do manage to convince him to go out with you, do you really think it’s going to be anything other than one-sided? When you want to go out for a romantic dinner tonight, he’ll be watching football with the boys. When you want him to meet your parents, he’ll have band practice. He’s a free spirit who lives life his way.
Source: Modernghana.com