Sadly, a relationship doesn’t come already assembled. Instead, a relationship comes in kit-form. This means that we have to work at things if we want to make it a success.
While working on our relationship, there will be obstacles. There will inevitably times when we argue with our partner, and there might even be occasions when we feel like calling it a day and moving on.
Sometimes, relationships fall apart and can’t be salvaged. Why? Many reasons. Sometimes, two people just naturally grow apart. It’s just the way things are.
Sometimes, though, a relationship falls apart because of the mistakes both people make. In such cases, a relationship could have been salvaged had the couple avoided misunderstandings and blunders that ultimately destroyed things.
If you’re about to make the transit from dating to relationship, here are 10 common relationship mistakes you both need to avoid.
1. Losing the romance
During the early days of dating, the two of you couldn’t be any more romantic. You were always planning days out, surprises and you only had eyes for each other. Even your friends never saw you!
But as the days, weeks and months wear on, complacency can easily set in. The only time you spend with one another is in front of the TV after work.
And faced with a choice between seeing your partner or your friends this weekend, you choose your friends. The romance has fizzled out.
This is dangerous. Once you become sloppy in your romantic efforts, it’s very hard to recover from it. Doing nothing of note together becomes a habit. And it can kill a relationship.
2. Failing to give them personal space
Another one of common relationship mistakes is to fail to give your partner personal space. Yes, you love each other and possibly want to spend the rest of your life together. But this doesn’t mean you don’t both need your own personal space.
There are times when we just need some alone time. It doesn’t mean we’ve fallen out of love with our partner. It just means we need time to think something through.
Don’t pressure someone to talk when they don’t want to talk. Don’t push them to go out with friends if they want to stay in. Respect their space.
3. Trying to possess each other
It’s a little bit cute when, during the early stages of dating, you’re both a tiny bit possessive. You want to see him all the time, he wants to see you, and you want constant updates RE your lives.
But possession is not healthy and it can eventually destroy a relationship.
Nobody likes to be controlled. Not really. It drives us crazy. When we’re out with friends, we don’t want our partner to constantly text for updates. We want them to think about us – but not all the time. We are not property, and it’s important that you treat each other like the grown adults you are.
4. Letting ourselves go
I bet you spent ages getting yourself ready for your first date. Maybe you bought a new dress and splashed out on expensive perfume. Perhaps you’ve never looked better. He was impressed by your efforts and thought you looked gorgeous.
If you two are spending most of your time in your slacks now that you guys are an item and don’t give a fig what you eat, what you smell like or how ropey your hair is, all the buzz and excitement of a relationship will eventually die.
Keep the attraction alive by dressing to impress. Eat the right things. Stay healthy. Make an effort for each other.
5. Not Listening
How much do you truly listen to your partner?
One of common relationship mistakes is to not respect what our partner is saying to us. While they’re explaining their side of the story, we’re chomping at the bit to jump in and have our say.
Sometimes, we’re so eager that we interrupt them before they’ve finished.
Show your partner the respect they deserve by properly listening to them. Hear them out. Ask them questions. If you don’t agree with what they say, tell them “I hear what you’re saying. But …”
6. Giving up your independent life
If either of you have pretty much given up your independent life, it’s going to take its toll on your relationship. When he wants to go out and see his buddies, you want him to stay in because you’ve got no one else.
Eventually, resentment can set in. As much as you love each other, it’s important that you both have separate things going on in your life that don’t involve the other. You can’t do everything together.
7. Trying to change them
Okay, it’s okay to ask our partner to make small changes for us. Sometimes, it’s okay to ask them to make big changes. After all, a healthy relationship is based on compromise. If everyone stubbornly refused to compromise on anything, no relationship would survive.
But it’s important to know when to let your partner just “be”. All too often, we drawn to those who are different to us. The differences are exciting. But as time wears on, we try to tweak them.
Sure, you might wish he was more organised and he might want you to stop shopping so much. But accepting these personality traits and seeing the positives is key to a healthy relationship.
8. Nagging
One of most destructive common relationship mistakes is nagging. No one is perfect. But if you nag, you are going to totally kill their spirits.
Tell him once what needs to be done. Then, let him do it in his own time.
9. Keeping Secrets
You don’t have to tell your partner absolutely everything that has happened to you today. But if something pretty significant has happened, you should know that it’s your duty to share it with your partner.
Keeping secrets erodes trust. While you might think it’s better that they didn’t discover the truth, this is actually a much more harmful practice in the long run. Be open and communicative. Don’t keep secrets. Talk things out. If you don’t, the guilt will eat away at you and they will question what else you’re hiding if the secret eventually comes out.
At least by being open and honest you can always say that you’ve done the right thing.
10. Avoiding conflict
Finally, if you have something that really needs to be said, just say it. Dancing around issues will only cause bigger problems in the long term when you eventually explode.
The only way a relationship can improve is if you air your issues and give your partner the chance to make changes. If you don’t, how on earth can they be blamed for your grievances? Let them know how you feel so that things can be quickly nipped in the bud.
Source: Modernghana.com