Typical Characteristics of a KAMPALA CHIC (Part One)

Do you know what it means to be a chic in Kampala? Or have you noticed the common characteristics among these Kampala girls? For those interested, here are the pointers to a Kampala CHIC.
1. She studied in India but she came back with an American accent…
2. She’s never seen a car parked at her home but she insists on dating men with cars
3. She thinks success and money are sexually transmitted
4. She carries a very big hand-bag
5. She pretends not to know you when she’s with her pals in town.
6. When you are with her and you meet another man, she will introduce him as a cousin…
7. She meets her girlfriends and jumps while screaming
8. She’s in leggings and bare backs on a cold day
9. She wears shades in the dark
10. She wears winter boots in the scorching sun…
11. Her eye shadow overshadows her eyes.
12. She earns 300K a month but sleeps in a 500K rental house, drives a Mercedez benz which takes not less than 100K in fuel per week, eats at Serena.
13. Wears a brazillian weave that can buy one two plots of land in Gayaza
14. She speaks “Lugadilish” for instance… “Kale can u imagine, he called me ko yesterday…simanya he be’s how mbu he loves me….conductor… am stopping ku muyembe.”
15. Wakes up very early as if she’s going to work only to go to a salon to plait hair or work as a Mobile Money agent
16. She always says that all men are dogs and when you ask for her father’s breed, she gets offended.
17. She says all men are bad as if we told her to try all of them.
18. She has four boyfriends, one for the clothes, one for the house and academics, one she plans to introduce and one responsible for her babies.
19. She’s always updates her status: “At Asylum chilling with my girls” yet she’s in the room under the tight watch of her dad.
20. She thinks the place is still called Nandos, wake-up, it’s The Brood.
21. She will ask you for airtime, you send it but she will still have the eggs to call you.
22. When you invite her out on a date, she turns up with her family, in-laws and friends
23. Her Facebook info shows that she’s living in London, UK but she has never gone beyond Katanga in Bwaise.
24. She has two phones, a blackberry which she uses while uptown and a Kabiriti which she uses while downtown.
25. She never takes local beer brands like Nile special, Eagles yet at her home, she will take a whole crate.
26. 90% of the body is artificial and it’s only missing the tag: ‘Made in China.”
27. She had a tatoo of spider on her body but fears a live cockroach scrolling 2meters away . .
28. Her real name is Zaitun Kirigwajo but she prefers to be called “Zari”
29. When you date her, she will make sure everyone knows about you: “Ahhhhh am dating that guy of BigEye.ug –Ortega Ian.”
30. She has poor eating habits— she will eat Chips and Beans, she will ask you, “Ian please bring me porridge and pillawo.”
31. Her dad is overseas
32. She pretends to have easy and cool parents yet she has a curfew at home.
33. She updates a status and tags celebrities as if they are her close friends
34. She uses FB zero on a smart phone.
35. She has a whole generation of ex-boyfriends. Brian who was working in MTN, Salim who was P.Ssozi’s manager, Hood Lighta, a fellow student at Kyambogo and Ian Ortega a celebrated writer at Daily Monitor.
36. They don’t say real words e.g shoe instead ov sure,hahaha!!
37. She can’t pronounce the words—Pizza and Plumber in the right way.
38. They are overated on FB yet in real life they are nothing
39. She pretends to have no idea of local songs yet when she’s in her room, she listens to Ronald Mayinja, and Mathias Walukaaga.
40. They’re gud at opening guys’ wallets every tym they meet them.
41. Her CV shows that she works at American Embassy but she forgot to add, as a cleaner.
42. She is always holding novels and yet she has never read a single book in her life time….
43. You take her out and she knocks on the elevator to open.
44. They tend 2 have no tribe/local names! Mbu Suzan Wise!
45. Take her out and she will order for sewage instead of sausage.
46. She takes smirnoff but doesnt know how to call it mbu “waiter give me simirinooff”
47. He’s dating a man 20 years her senior but she insists on calling him “Baibe”
48. They ask 4 chips n chickhen when taken out bt back home they eat katogo+bugi ov 1500 in toninyira
49. They wear multi-coloured weaves as fashion
50. Mbu she can’t use a taxi but wen u give her moni 4 boda she will use a taxi and then a boda wen shez abt 2 reach wea u r! Sick mind jst!
51. She looks like Halle Berry in her Facebook photos but in real life, she resembles Byg Kahuna
52. ADD MORE