By Our Reporter
The World moved so fast, so fast that in no time, Mike Ezra was out of the news, Zari was pregnant for Diamond Platinumz and most Kampala Potholes had disappeared. On the other hand, most men were developing commitment phobia while the women struggled to tame their sloe habits. But with evolution, with nature’s mistakes in Uganda, came a new species of women, the Weekend Wives.
The Weekend Wives could have started from Uganda’s prestigious Universities, especially Kyambogo University. It is here that most girls every Weekend subjected themselves to Housewife responsibilities in the homes, hostels and rooms of their boyfriends. The Pavlovian response on the part of the men was awesome. Unlike in the past where one had to put up with a nagging girlfriend or wife for the rest of the year, or 24 hours per day, this time round it was different. You only had the weekend to put up with any of her bad sides while drilling up her good sides. And since all the fun happens on Weekends, dudes found that they could comfortably keep the side dishes for the weekdays while main bae took over on Weekends.
When the corporate girls saw that the model had successfully worked at Universities like Kyambogo and Makerere, they set out to replicate the same in their relationships. After all, one good turn deserves another. The first adopters of the Weekend Wives model were the Ugandan bankers, and tellers. Soon, they were followed by young Ugandan doctors and lawyers and before Kampala could sneeze, Weekend wives were the trend to go.
What role do the Weekend Wives play in Uganda? One, come in and give the man the Weekend chaws while performing the house chores. Through Weekend Marriages, a girl could prove herself whether she was worth being hired permanently as a wife. It is like an audition. You show what you can offer while gauging the potential of your employer. The men also used this moment as a casting stage. They would show off the possessions in their homes, while studying whether the girl was worth committing to. The ladies were the Weekend Wives; the men were the Pseudo Husbands. Between Monday and Friday, the side dishes closed the gaps.
How were the Weekend Wives discovered? And how can one tell a Weekend Wife? If one of your girlfriends is always out of reach during Weekends, there’s a high chance she’s a weekend wife. The smart phones are switched off; the girls adorn themselves in their aprons and takeover the man’s kitchen. Next, they pounce on his laundry and re-arranging his house. The quickest way to tell a Weekend wife is to notice the kind of girl who shows up to office on Friday with a super big bag filled with all her necessities. She tries to avoid any Weekend proggie from her girlfriends. And when work is done, unlike her usual routine where she grabs a taxi to Ntinda, this time round, she grabs one to Zzana where her boyfriend resides. Wait till Monday, she will show up with the same bag and most of the utilities she left with.
However, some Weekend Wives have invented methods of marking off their territory. By simply leaving over a piece of their possession every week, they are able to compound their ownership in that home in 6 months. Assuming she leaves behind some of her dresses, next her shoes, next thing, some of her toothbrushes, then her phone covers and finally her weaves. By the time a man wakes up, she’s graduated from a Weekend Wife to a full-week wife.
Weekend Wives have continuously given emotional support to men that are not ready to put the ring on it. Despite their constant questions of; “where do you see this thing going?” The men have answered like the Eneke bird in things fall apart; “since girls have learned to detooth without missing, we’ve learned to fly without perching.” Ugandan men are now very stingy with their wedding ring. It will take a lot of convincing to get him walking to the altar or even accepting a long term fling.
While Weekend Wives are busy packing their bags on Friday heading to their Weekend workplaces aka bae’s home, the pseudo husbands are also busy erasing traces of the week wives. Ugandan men these days are seen sprinting home on Fridays just before the traffic jam catches up with them. They collect all the knickers, push-up bras and perfumes of week-wives and lock them in a wardrobe whose keys they will always claim got lost. Thereafter, they carefully make sure that whatever Weekend Wife left over last week is in the exact position she left it. It is a game of the chaw, and in the game of the chaw, you hate the chaw not the chawer.