The rules of breakup sex are kinda like the rules of Fight Club, right? That there are no rules? Well, not exactly.
For starters, breakup sex is incredibly confusing. And that’s not just our saying so.Tina Tessina, PhD, (aka “Dr. Romance”), a psychotherapist and author of the upcoming Dr. Romance’s Guide to Dating in the Digital Age, explains:
“Sex isn’t going to solve [your] relationship problems. But it is a sign that you’re not finished with each other.”
Whether you’re regularly booty calling each other in the middle of the night or just had a moment of “Oh my God, what just happened?” here are the rules you should follow to keep your heart (and possibly your dignity) intact.
1. Don’t treat breakup sex like a good-bye. That whole idea of “One last romp for old times’ sake?” Not a solid one. “If you need to let go, then let go completely and don’t have sex,” says Tessina.
2. Treat this like a new relationship. If the idea of getting back together kinda appeals to you, then “start from the beginning and do things differently,” Tessina advises. And that means …
3. Go slow. No, we don’t necessarily mean in the heat of the moment. “Rushing back into things means you’re trying to avoid some truths,” Tessina explains. “Slow down … You’ll have a chance to build a better foundation than before.”
4. Have “the conversation.” You might feel totally awkward asking your partner to analyze your previously imploded relationship, “but if you can’t talk honestly about what went wrong and what to do differently,” says Tessina, “you’ll never change anything.”
5. Make sure your ex is on the same page. He’s determined to correct his old habits? Good sign that a new relationship stands a chance. He’s (still) blaming you for everything that went wrong? “Disaster is imminent,” Tessina warns.
6. Get an objective opinion about what’s going on. Your friends hate your ex for hurting you. Your parents badly want you to get back together. Who should you listen to? “Consider seeing a therapist to get expert help to decide if you’re dating for the right reasons,” suggests Tessina. (Dating, that is, or just meeting up occasionally to scratch an itch.)
When in doubt about breakup sex, keep in mind: “It’s usually a mistake,” says Tessina.
Unless of course you follow these guidelines.
Source: Thestir.cafemom.com
