By Ian Ortega
KIU GIRLS: You speak to her in Swahili then she will think you are also from Kenya, you buy her a beer and she will let you in her bed. Oh, Kampala International University.
MUBS GIRLS: Buy her unique clothes from Nakawa market, pick her up from her hostel in a black Vitz/tinted Ipsum take her to Amnesia or Club Rouge every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, then she will unleash it for you in the car.
GULU UNIV GIRLS: You vibe her in Acholi, buy her a perfume, continue vibing her in Acholi, take her out on Sunday to a Church then she will let you taste her places.
MUK GIRLS: These ones pretend to be hard. You vibe her in English, flirt with her, feed her family and friends on a date, buy her a vitz/ipsum and give her your tuition money then she can let you kiss her. If you want to end up in her Breakpoint, City or Nana Hostel take her for shopping and tell her you work in State house, she will spread it all for you.
NKUMBA GIRLS: Just tell her that you are back from UK or USA and that you are a porn actor, she will let you to golola in her bed but make sure you look up, these girls always have cameras, and you may appear in the next Ugandan porn movie.
UCU GIRLS(Thugs hiding in Christianity): Just tell her that you are a bouncer at satellite beach Mukono! Or tell her you are a son to an SDA elder or intend to become a priest and that she is the one you saw in your dream a day before; you will be swimming in her YOYO, probably in a car beside Namanve.
MBARARA UNIV GIRLS: Just vibe her in English, Practice that style called ekse then call her your ghee and honey, take her to Cineplex for a movie and in 9 months you will be having triplets.
BUSITEEMA GIRLS: Promise her you’ll take her cross the Nile, invest in her father’s taxi business and avoid explanations because she will comprehend in just a blink of an eye, you’ll be touring her hidden territories asap.
NKOZI GIRLS: Buy for her a hoe, get her some seedlings then tell her you own a snake farm and she will ask you to show it to her in the bed.
KABALE UNIV GIRLS: Vibe her in English, she won’t get a word, vibe her in Lukiga, she will pretend she didn’t hear you then just begin massaging her and she will begin saying ‘ego ego’ as she leads your hands too her places.
YMCA NURSING SCHOOL GIRLS: Appear at her hostel door while holding a basket-ball. Just bounce it up and pretend you have an injury and you want to rest, she will let you into her bed asap.
KAMPALA UNIV/CAVENDISH/EAST AFRICAN UNIVERSITY: Simple just come while riding your-self even if it’s a pick up no problem make sure you know how to greet ’what’s up baby, fancy a ride’ but expect the unexpected because these chicks are always expensive so they may look humble but after that you’ll see they can make you donate your rentals, but a Leg is a Leg, Go ahead and bang.
KYAMBOGO UNIV GIRLS: Haaaa… these ones are groupies am also not sure, let me first research, the last time somebody vibed one of them, she brought all her friends into the bed with him and he fainted because of over-working.
MUTEESA ROYAL UNIV GIRLS: Just smear yourself with diesel, begin speaking anything like ‘Omustuntu ataslike mushafstinge’ then buy her a second hand lotion or Vaseline, she will stick to you for life and will let you in bed by force.
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