“[katogoaward]”
By Sam Ugandan
MBARARA: Banyankole girls come off as lazy and flabby. If you happen to chuck a musheshe or munyankole babe she will cry the whole night and won’t waste time fighting for you, they move on so quickly because the very next day she will be with someone else. She will be like hati omushaija akantamwa munonga… munonga!!!
MASAKA: If you chuck a muganda girl, she will try to make up for it and she will beg you to kindly have her back or give her a second chance, alot of bargaining will take place here, she won’t wish you well in your next relationship. she will be like Mbwa gwe onkyayide ki, kaale, naaye neeyo jogenze teri mirembe, kaale ojakulaba gusiru gwe.
KAMPALA: Girls in the city have seen it all and are used to being chucked and will always have a spare tyre, so if you chuck her she will call you after two weeks so that you go and attend her wedding.
GULU: These chicks come off as tough and no nonsense, if you chuck an Acholi babe she will cause a scene or embarrass you in public by being so violent like Alshabab. She won’t blow you up using bombs but she will fight so hard to win you back by beating you thoroughly for playing with her feelings and her heart and you will live to realise why they are ‘unchuckable’.
RWAKITURA: If you happen to play around with a girl whose parents are in some way connected to the ruling party NRM then politics will interfere with your relationship.The daughter to an army man will come to your place with a pick up or lorry full of red top military fellows. They will cane you till you start sweating yogurt, she will sue you in court for playing with her heart and money and you will marry her at gun point.
KOTIDO: If you chuck a Karimojong chick, you will end up as a loser instead because she will not serve her cookie to you unless you are her husband and if you try to rape her she will just torture you, if she feels sorry for your being horny she will offer the behind and not the front.
FORT PORTAL: There is a saying in Rutooro that omusaija tayangwa meaning that everything a man says a mutooro girl should just say yes. It’s also the only village with an English name. If you chuck a mutooro babe she will sleep with almost all your brothers and relatives just to get back at you, i wonder who she will be hurting.
BUGIRI: If you chuck a girl from the land of chapatis in Uganda that is a sogi babe, she will sleep with your grandfather and become your new grand mum.
KABALE: If you chuck a Mukiga girl then you will be in big trouble or it will spell doom for you because these babes are hard and tough, she will beat you up and force you to love her again, she will be like iwe njokuteera entomi, hati wampromisinga ebintu bingi, njokuteera mbwaa we.
KIGALI: God was so patient when he was making Rwandese birds, it’s proof that he wasn’t in a hurry so if you chuck her, with her breathtaking beauty she will tempt your loaded dad with her forbidden fruit and after feasting he will make her your step mom.
KAYUNGA: They come off as no nonsense when it comes to tit for tat, they claim that it’s a fair game. If you make a mistake and you chuck a munyala girl or those other tribes in Kayunga at large she will bewitch you and your private parts will transfer its location to your fore head so you will have two heads on your ki-head
