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How to tell someone you only want to hook up

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Anita Fabiola and Meddie SSentongoEvery woman who has dated men has at some point said something to the tune of: “If only he had just let me know up front that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Sometimes it’s the opposite: “I didn’t realize he was so into me; I thought we were just hooking up.” There’s a reason “what is your intention with my daughter” is the first question all movie dads ask. Knowing the answer prevents later heartbreak.

All relationships—even one night-long relationships—involve a delicate dance of trying to ascertain the other person’s intentions. Sometimes this dance lasts minutes, and sometimes it lasts months or years. Of course, we try to make our intentions known, but we often fail. Leaving someone’s house immediately after sex, for example, doesn’t count as communicating your expectations for the relationship. Neither does never being the one to text first, or liking other girls’ Insta pics, or bringing up your ex constantly (although that is definitely an effective way to prevent serious relationships).

I once had a friends with benefits whom I never kissed on the mouth. I think it was a subconscious effect of Pretty Woman. I just figured it would be obvious that we were only there to have sex if all we ever did was have sex (also, I don’t really like making out). Luckily for me, he texted me after the first time we hooked up and let me know that he still saw us as platonic friends, despite the hookup—which was fine with me—and we had a vaguely mature talk about it and then we never had to talk about it again, since we both knew each others’ expectations.

If I understand correctly, men are terrified of women being upset with them. If you watch men end things with women—which I do frequently as a viewer of The Bachelor franchise—you’ll notice how they try to get the women to say the five magic words: “I’m not mad at you.” So why, when the fear of disappointing, enraging, or otherwise upsetting women is so strong, don’t men just make their expectations clear from the get-go?

Contrary to popular (male) opinion, women are not desperately trying to trap men in long-term commitments. Actually, now that we’re no longer economically reliant on you guys, on the whole we’re a lot less motivated to trick you into marriage. A relationship really is so much more rewarding when both parties want to be in it. Many male friends of mine have worried to me about how much they might upset a woman by turning her down, or by telling her that they don’t want to get serious. To them (and to you) I say: You aren’t that special. I mean I’m sure there are ways in which you are special, and I’m sure you have a lot to give to a partnership, but you aren’t so special that a woman will fall to pieces if you tell her you don’t want to be in a committed relationship.

All said, a woman might reasonably fall to pieces if you wait to tell her you’re just looking to fool around until you’ve shared eight months of loosely-hooking-up-and-also-doing-lots-of-date-like-activities. Just like disclosing a lethal food allergy, the sooner and more clearly you alert her, the better. You don’t need to shout MY NAME IS ANTONIO AND I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS over the music the night you meet a girl on the dance floor, or in the Lyft on the way back to her place to hook up. But if you guys are texting the day after said sexy times, that’s a good time to lay down what you’re interested in. Or, more accurately, what you’re not interested in. (If you are genuinely open to something more happening beyond the bedroom, but wouldn’t be bothered if this went no further than a couple meetings on your still-on-the-floor mattress, then you don’t need to spell that out.) If you can, talk about it before you start to go on date-like activities with her—”date-like” meaning anything that involves leaving your houses, or anything or that starts before 9 P.M.

If, however, you are opposed to/not ready for/otherwise uninterested in putting any effort into dating a person, let them know. Don’t treat it as a favor to her that you’re giving her a heads up. It’s not a favor; it’s simply the right thing to do. You don’t get extra points for being clear about what you want just because the rest of society’s daters are out there pulling bare minimum bullshit. Don’t start your sentence with anything resembling “Just to be fair to you…” or “I just thought you would want to know…” This isn’t about her, it’s about you. “I want to be upfront with you that I’m not looking to date right now,” is a good start. You can also follow up with something along the lines of “if you are looking for a relationship, and are no longer interested in hanging out, I understand, but I’m having a great time and would love to see you again.” Unfortunately “I’m just not looking to date right now” has been appropriated by people who are just trying to weasel their way out of a tense breakup talk, so that little addendum just lets her know that it’s not her, it really is you.

 

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Celebrity Gossip

Hajji Haruna Mubiru Stuck In Domestic Violence Accusations

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By BigEyeUg Team; Kream Production CEO Hajji Haruna Mubiru is drowning in deep waters after being landed into domestic accusations by fellow singer, at the same time girlfriend Kemirembe Sarah aka Kemi Sera.

According to Kemi Sera, she was blindfolded by the extreme intimacy that Hajji Haruna bathed her during their relationship infant stages not until when everything overturned over out of the blue.

The ‘Malala’ singer reveals that Haruna acts inflicted deep pain on her as it prompted her to resort to alcoholism, something she had never opted for in her entire life.

Women are like babies; its easy to lie to us. When a man says he loves you, you see like you have reached, you can’t even think about the time of breakup. Haruna used to beat me up, he used to accuse me for sleeping with other men, made up many fake stories about me, he hurt me a lot and it even pushed me into drinking alcohol,” Kemi said.

Hajji Haruna Mubiru and Kemi Sera

She is also worried of Haruna’s status of being older, popular, rich and more established than her because this might cover up her reality story from public attention and help if any.

 “I have been Hajji Haruna’s wife but not anymore, just know I started that relationship with someone who is much older, popular, rich and established than me, so I had to fight a lot for myself.” she adds.

Sera thinks maybe Haruna’s decision to dump her might have been made after her getting an accident that got her badly injured in her entire body.

He dumped me when I got an accident, I don’t know, maybe he saw that I wasn’t looking beautiful anymore or my face wasn’t that appealing. I really don’t know,” she further states.

Kemi Sera’s sustained injuries after nasty accident.

Kemi is in line of female celebrities such as Anita Da Diva, Weasel’s girl-friend Talia Kassim among others that are good victims of domestic violence.

Apparently, Kemi Sera is seeking for help from prominent herbalist Maama Fiina after accumulating rent arrears that may lead her from being evicted from her house.

The two have often denied having an affair until now when Kemi Sera is accusing her former music boss of brutalizing their bedroom matters.

We will keep you posted

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Galaxy FM’s Prim Asiimwe Heaps Up Love Praises For Hubby Alex Muhangi

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By BigEyeUg Team; When we talk about one of the most silent celebrity couples in Uganda is that of fabled comedian Alex Muhangi and radio personality Prim Asiimwe.

Trust me, the two have overly expressed nothing like love nimiety in public like its fond-of majority of the celebrity couples.

However, for the first time in public, the Galaxy FM radio presenter has showered the Comedy Store Uganda CEO with praises for being the best man of her dreams.

Speaking at a local TV interview, Prim consented Alex as a responsible, hardworking and darling husband in their relationship journey.

He is a loving, caring, and calm man. He often spends most of his time home trying to improve his work and family. Alex has never disappointed and disrespected me but instead lit my life,” said Prim.

Alex Muhangi and lover Prim Asiimwe

It should also be noted that ever since the Slim-penciled radio presenter graduated from Cavendish University with a Degree in Journalism and Mass Communication, she has been promised a double dowry by the husband.

The two are smoothly strolling a six-years relationship with only one child blending their love.

What a lovely couple this is!

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Celebrity Gossip

I Undress My Bra When Am With Chosen Blood – Winnie Nwagi Confesses

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By BigEyeUg Team; Ugandan bootylicious songstress, Winnie Nwagi has finally opened-up what continuously keeps her down-to-the-wire with male singer Chosen Blood.

In her latest social media post, the ‘Jangu’ has not taken it lightly as she confessed her feelings being uncontrolled to a “bra-off” extent whenever she gets close to Chosen.

“How can I be with him and I put on a bra?” wrote Winnie Nwagi.

Winnie Nwagi and Chosen Blood

The ‘Yitayo’ singers have overly been spotted in cozy sessions despite insisting with unclear remarks regarding their relationship until today when Nwagi pulled out a master card on it.

Can we be contented that it’s merely a bra-off affair? well we shall keep you posted incase their intimacy unfolds.

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Fille: I Quietly Lived An Abusive Relationship

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By BigEyeUg Team; Songstress Fille Mutoni’s longtime hidden love story continues to sink pain deeper in hearts of majority of the public.

This has greatly ruined morale and hope for fresh couples in love as they come to realize that her song ‘Fall in love again’ was based on a true story.

One of the most tearful bit is when she unmasks prolonged domestic violence from her baby daddy MC Kats despite her refuting to open up to any authority or relative.

Fille Mutoni

Fille says one of the reasons as why she would never forgive the NBS TV presenter is violating her rights as a woman and disrespecting her amidst all the pain she holds as the mother of his daughter.

She also promised to bare the sweat and responsibility of her daughter until she grows up.

However, MC Kats has since paid a deaf ear to Fille’s allegations to date.

We will keep you posted

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