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How to tell someone you only want to hook up

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Anita Fabiola and Meddie SSentongoEvery woman who has dated men has at some point said something to the tune of: “If only he had just let me know up front that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Sometimes it’s the opposite: “I didn’t realize he was so into me; I thought we were just hooking up.” There’s a reason “what is your intention with my daughter” is the first question all movie dads ask. Knowing the answer prevents later heartbreak.

All relationships—even one night-long relationships—involve a delicate dance of trying to ascertain the other person’s intentions. Sometimes this dance lasts minutes, and sometimes it lasts months or years. Of course, we try to make our intentions known, but we often fail. Leaving someone’s house immediately after sex, for example, doesn’t count as communicating your expectations for the relationship. Neither does never being the one to text first, or liking other girls’ Insta pics, or bringing up your ex constantly (although that is definitely an effective way to prevent serious relationships).

I once had a friends with benefits whom I never kissed on the mouth. I think it was a subconscious effect of Pretty Woman. I just figured it would be obvious that we were only there to have sex if all we ever did was have sex (also, I don’t really like making out). Luckily for me, he texted me after the first time we hooked up and let me know that he still saw us as platonic friends, despite the hookup—which was fine with me—and we had a vaguely mature talk about it and then we never had to talk about it again, since we both knew each others’ expectations.

If I understand correctly, men are terrified of women being upset with them. If you watch men end things with women—which I do frequently as a viewer of The Bachelor franchise—you’ll notice how they try to get the women to say the five magic words: “I’m not mad at you.” So why, when the fear of disappointing, enraging, or otherwise upsetting women is so strong, don’t men just make their expectations clear from the get-go?

Contrary to popular (male) opinion, women are not desperately trying to trap men in long-term commitments. Actually, now that we’re no longer economically reliant on you guys, on the whole we’re a lot less motivated to trick you into marriage. A relationship really is so much more rewarding when both parties want to be in it. Many male friends of mine have worried to me about how much they might upset a woman by turning her down, or by telling her that they don’t want to get serious. To them (and to you) I say: You aren’t that special. I mean I’m sure there are ways in which you are special, and I’m sure you have a lot to give to a partnership, but you aren’t so special that a woman will fall to pieces if you tell her you don’t want to be in a committed relationship.

All said, a woman might reasonably fall to pieces if you wait to tell her you’re just looking to fool around until you’ve shared eight months of loosely-hooking-up-and-also-doing-lots-of-date-like-activities. Just like disclosing a lethal food allergy, the sooner and more clearly you alert her, the better. You don’t need to shout MY NAME IS ANTONIO AND I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS over the music the night you meet a girl on the dance floor, or in the Lyft on the way back to her place to hook up. But if you guys are texting the day after said sexy times, that’s a good time to lay down what you’re interested in. Or, more accurately, what you’re not interested in. (If you are genuinely open to something more happening beyond the bedroom, but wouldn’t be bothered if this went no further than a couple meetings on your still-on-the-floor mattress, then you don’t need to spell that out.) If you can, talk about it before you start to go on date-like activities with her—”date-like” meaning anything that involves leaving your houses, or anything or that starts before 9 P.M.

If, however, you are opposed to/not ready for/otherwise uninterested in putting any effort into dating a person, let them know. Don’t treat it as a favor to her that you’re giving her a heads up. It’s not a favor; it’s simply the right thing to do. You don’t get extra points for being clear about what you want just because the rest of society’s daters are out there pulling bare minimum bullshit. Don’t start your sentence with anything resembling “Just to be fair to you…” or “I just thought you would want to know…” This isn’t about her, it’s about you. “I want to be upfront with you that I’m not looking to date right now,” is a good start. You can also follow up with something along the lines of “if you are looking for a relationship, and are no longer interested in hanging out, I understand, but I’m having a great time and would love to see you again.” Unfortunately “I’m just not looking to date right now” has been appropriated by people who are just trying to weasel their way out of a tense breakup talk, so that little addendum just lets her know that it’s not her, it really is you.

 

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Celebrity Gossip

Video: Zahara Totto beaten by hubby, Big Papa before bitter split

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By BigEyeUg Team

The sudden breakup between NBS TV’s Zahara Totto and her boyfriend, Don Solomon Ugwu alias Big Papa (Oga) continue to surface with more secrets spilled regarding their one-year old relationship.

Issues seem not light at all as we may have earlier anticipated, for the motor-mouthed media personality after another video storming social media today showing a bitter fight between Zahara and now ex-boyfriend, Don Solomon.

In the video, the mother of four is seen ridiculously nagging and clinging to her boyfriend as she begs him not call it quits in their relationship.

She is later thumped to the ground continuously by Big Papa giving her no chance again in his life.

The fight is most-likely to have been a continuation of the leaked audio where Oga was hectically trying to conclude his affair with the ‘Uncut’ show host.

Watch video here;

We will keep you posted

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Sheilah Gashumba’s relationship with boyfriend, Gods Plan on the rocks

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By BigEyeUG Writer

It seems our favourite young celebrity couple Sheila Gashumba and boyfriend GodsPlan are taking a break. Just days after city socialite Ali Marcus alias Godsplan came out on his Snapchat to reveal his break up with his long time fiancée Sheilah Gashumba, it is now clear that the two have let go of each after deleting their pictures as couple on instagram.

According to information gathered, the two who had many pictures of each other all over instagram surprised their fans when they deleted pictures of them as couple leaving their own singles.

It is said that the two love birds had reached the darkest part of it all after they both started hitting at themselves with allegations of infidelity which forced God’s plan to announce their splitting. “I can confirm me and lil stunner have parted ways,” he said.

Sheilah and God’s plan started dating three years ago and have been able to live in the spotlight as a young celebrity couple. The two have been known for living a lavish lifestyle with trips and vacations. They have been able to do things together regardless of their fights.

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Comedian Chiko officially introduced by his fiancée

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Following what the weekend had in store for Uganda’s stand up comedian Frank Mubiru better known as Chiko of the Madrat and Chiko duo alongside his fiancée Ophra, it’s clear that the two are now one.

On Sunday the 9th of August, Ophra an employee with the Civil Aviation Authority officially introduced Chiko to her family in a ceremony which was attended by his friends and family.

With excitement, Chiko shared a picture of himself kneeling down proposing to Ophra his fiancée accompanied with a caption; “LOVE is a journey starting at FOREVER ending at NEVER ….Finally”

Chiko was smartly dressed in an African Designed trouser and a long sleeved shirt.He also added shades which gave him a cool look. His fiancée Ophra pulled it off with simplicity and beauty.

However, the function was attended by a few people due to the restrictions put by the government following the outbreak of the CoronaVirus.

We wish them all the best.

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Relationships

Desire Luzinda now taking nursing classes, narrates her academic journey

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By BigEyeUg Team

Songbird Desire Luzinda has been conservative with disclosing her activities ever since she relocated to the United States of America but here, she bumps with it.

The ‘Ekitone’ singer has shocked her fans and social media followers back here home in Uganda after parading her pictures appearing in a medic dress code, suggesting that she is now pursuing a medical career.

Desire has gone further to reveal that she is now a phlebotomist, ready to attend to patients in blood laboratories especially after her successful phlebotomy exam last week.

She also opened up about her academic journey that at most times failed because of her music career dominancy.

At first, she enrolled at Makerere University pursuing a degree in Development Economics but unfortunately dropped out two years later because of her thrilling music career at that time.

She was also backed-up with hopes of accomplishing the studies someday.

The curvaceous-lady later scooped another chance and got registered at Nkozi University for Development Studies but her love for education was ruined likewise it was at the first time.

This time round, she failed to have her first exam because it collided with her UK music tour dates.

Here, Desire got discouraged more than never before even when I knew the granite importance of Education.

However, her dream of further education was brilliantly forwarded of recent after bearing more commitment and desire enroll again in another preferable field, which she believes is according to God’s wish.

Desire also vows to stick to her goal this time round amidst all hardships she may meet.

Read her statement in full;

This week as I was preparing for my Phlebotomy exam, many thoughts came to my mind.

Many years ago, I enrolled at Makerere University pursuing a degree in Development Economics which I did not complete because my music career had kicked off in high gear. Having dropped off in year 2, at the back of my mind I knew someday I will bounce back and pursue further studies.

Years later, I enrolled at Nkozi university for Development Studies which I barely did for a year because I had a UK tour that my manager ‘then’ committed to and the dates collided with my first Exam period. I began to get tired of trying even when I knew the granite importance of Education.

Fast forward, as I prepared to enroll ‘again’ little did I know God was preparing for me a career totally different. And while many classmates dropped off because of the virtual classes, I said to myself, “not the third time! I have to do this!” So I chose to push even when it was so tough. And here I am on a many years journey of a career very interesting. My point is, never stop trying at something that makes you a better person. People will always talk but would you rather give them talk of you being successful or a failure?! IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU FALL BUT THAT ONE TIME YOU RISE UP AND MAKE IT RIGHT. YOUR JOURNEY IN LIFE IS PERSONAL SO CHASE IT PERSONALLY – Desire

Desire moved to the USA in 2018 and since then, she has often been reported pursuing pastorialship until today when she has buried the rumors.

She breads together with her daughter Michelle.

We will keep you posted

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