livestrong.com
Recovering from a narcissistic relationship can be a challenge because of the pain associated with emotional neglect. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a psychiatric condition that’s characterized by an infatuation with oneself. Narcissists have an exaggerated view of their talents, significance and beauty. Being in a relationship with an egocentric partner can erode your self-confidence and destroy your self-respect. A narcissistic partner has no regard for anyone other than himself. He manipulates others as he strives to acquire recognition and admiration, despite the pain he may cause others. “Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited” author Sam Vaknin says, “The narcissist regards the ‘significant other’ as one would regard an instrument or implement.”
Step 1
Confront the reality that your narcissistic partner never loved you. Recognize that it’s not that you’re unlovable, but that the narcissist is incapable of loving anyone but herself. She has forced you to believe that love is based upon the conditions of what you can give her, says Carlin Flora, features editor for “Psychology Today.” A relationship that is based upon selfish expectations and a sense of entitlement is destructive. A narcissist is unable to participate in a nurturing, supportive or intimate relationship, says University of St. Thomas psychology professor and author, John Buri.
Step 2
Mourn the loss of the relationship and and loss of self-love. Give yourself time to grieve all that you have lost in the relationship. There is usually sorrow in ending any relationship, but ending one with someone who’s stolen your sense of self can leave you with confusion and intense emotional pain. Confront the pain and allow yourself an outlet of expressing it. You’ve been forced to deny yourself the fundamental emotional, sexual and sometimes physical needs in this relationship, and Vaknin says, “You will be asked to deny reality and ignore it.”
Step 3
Create a new life. Take control of your life again. Reclaim what was lost through the abuse you suffered at the hands of your narcissistic partner, says author and counselor Kaleah LaRoche. She suggests that you educate yourself on narcissistic abuse so that you can understand the psychological damage to which your partner has subjected you. Learn about who you are as an individual—the strength you posses in the absence of your partner.
Step 4
Allow yourself time to adjust. Take time to transition to the separation from your partner. Welcome the changes in your life and be open to new experiences. Ease yourself back into dating; don’t jump into a new relationship immediately and avoid those with narcissistic personalities. Cognitive psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman suggests that you “…intentionally go for those who show the traits that are exactly the opposite of what is generally considered attractive” and give them a chance. Talk to the shy man in the corner—the one you’ve never noticed before. Break yourself of the habit of finding men who display narcissistic tendencies by trying something new.
Step 5
Find a support group. Listening to others who have experienced similar relationships can help you understand that you’re not alone in the pain. Support groups can help you understand the neurotic and disordered nature of narcissistic behavior and aid in the healing process, says LaRoche.