By Ian Nkera Ford
You definitely know those guys who don’t have any claim to fame, but somehow keep getting to the front pages of all the tabloids. They live pompous lives, grace events with the who-is-who of this country and splash cash for whoever cares to notice. These people have been painfully labeled “socialites” by our media and these are mostly ladies. I say painfully because not a single day passes without the media torturing you with the most trivial details about these people.
But again, almost every girl wants to live a glamorous life. So, how does someone carry this ‘socialite’ tag? Here are the ways you can become a socialite in Uganda.
Groupie love: Basically, get your clan mates, friends, hangers-on and everyone desperate for attention and storm parties together. Look dodgy by maybe employing litres of make up on your face and use horse fur (read wig) with inviting colours maybe pink, purple and every weird colour you can think of. Party people will embrace you.
Dinosaur love: Here you can hook up an aging expatriate that will fund your lifestyle. Make him invisible to the public and make sure you bear him children. That is meant to put a stamp on your lifestyle. Here you are certain of all expenses paid trips to Paris, trolleys of Louis Vuitton bags and shoes. Kampala people will love you.
Sidekick love: Here, get a toy-boy who has access to all hang-outs. You should preferably be of the same age. He should have suave taste in clothes and gadgets. He plays the perfect substitute when the pensioner boyfriend is out on trips. But of course don’t be silly and bring him to the forefront. Create a mystery about him or else your funding will be cut short.
Boutique: Here you can have a quick chat with your pensioner boyfriend and he should get you a convenient spot to put up a clothing store. Import clothes from China, masquerade as a fashion designer and organize a fashion night and ka-boom you are in business.
Spend, spend and spend: Make yourself noticeable by maybe rolling up in Range Rover or BMW X6. Socialites know how to make an entrance.Tell the Dj to announce a no spending ban as all drinks will be on you. Trust me, Ugandans love a free drink. They will hail you and give you Queen Bee status. The guys will want to date you; the girls will want to date you. What more would a girl ask for.
Charity love: Hey you have to show the whole world you care. Invite photographers and show the world how you care about street children by giving out some goodies like soap and the like. The world will worship you.
If you follow these, you will be desired and socialite status will befall you. Ohh… before I forget be controversial and steal your pensioner’s money. Otherwise adios BigEye family.