By Ian Ortega
For over two months, I have been a professional of some game. Truth be told, I have been a pick-up artiste, I finished reading all the top literature books about women psychology, I even practiced for hours to perfect my game. I was a PICK-UP ARTISTE, the first ever Ugandan to go serious on this game of a PUA.
Some questions still go unanswerable to many men, but for the few lucky ones, we know what a woman wants. Not like she really knows what she wants herself, but she sometimes needs a man to show her what she wants.
Stop a random 20-ish girl on the road and ask her what the most perplexing issue in her life is nowadays. 9 out of 10 will answer that it is something related to a boy, or lack thereof. If they don’t slap you first, that is. (Ouch!)
Internet or real life, I have heard way too many dudes whining about how they don’t understand women or how they are a bigger mystery than the Bermuda Triangle. I won’t deny that ladies can be a befuddling mess of hormones, tears and cribbing. But you guys aren’t as “easy peasy” as you claim to be, either. Sometimes I think Robin Sharma was right. We men ARE Martians.
Now that we have that out of the way, let me help you guys a little, in the hope that some handsome charming bloke will find this helpful to pataofy a pretty girl (I have always been a sucker for love stories). Also in the hope that some other beautiful charming girl will return the favour and… well, you know… *blush blush* and ask me to date her.
Okay, serious now. What most of my male friends ask me is they don’t understand what women want in the first place. Now that is a tricky question. Women are diverse creatures. Unlike men, women all don’t want the same thing. But they all do NEED two things before they can even think of dating a guy. One, they need to feel safe with you. Two, they need to feel safe from the world with you. No, shut up, those are not the same things.
Ugandan women are paranoid creatures. They doubt people a lot, especially men. So if you can’t make a women feel safe with you, you might as well stop reading here and pick up a PlayBoy.
Next, all women, and I mean ALL, have this deeply engrained need to look great. No, it is not because of low self-esteem or confidence issues. The real source of all the looks related anxieties is the advertising/entertainment/fashion-industrial complex which quite literally states that if you are not certain body size, you won’t be loved. It is not superficial, it is not shallow. Understand that.
Women obsess over little things. They may well have spent over a week planning for your first date. They may have bought a new dress, they may have had their nails done, their hair cut, been to the beautician. It costs a lot of money and a lot of time. Imagine it. Taking a week to prepare for something and the person you meet doesn’t even comment. There is your first knock to her confidence before you have even started. It costs nothing to just acknowledge she’s made an effort. A simple, “Hey, you look lovely!” will do, as she walks in the room. Nothing heavy. You’ll get a smile and she will feel a little lift inside. And that’s a great way to start a date.
Women love guys who are funny. But that doesn’t mean you’ll say anything in the name of humour. Just stop making the kitchen/sandwich jokes already. No, trust me, she will never find them funny. And if you do commit the blasphemy of doing it, just accept calmly that your love life is DOA and leave the site of damage before a nuclear explosion follows. Because it will. And you will have lost a limb, an eye and half your grey matter by the time the storm passes, if you are lucky.
The most important thing is – try to act normal. Treat her a bit special but not too much. Women have in built sensors for smelling men’s intentions. Their intuition is more developed than ours, at least I can guarantee on that after my escapades as a PUA. If you act too goody goody, she might think, “Opening the door for me. Complimenting me. Paying for the dinner. What is he up to? Something is fishy…” But if you don’t do all that, she’ll think you are heartless jerk who doesn’t appreciate her and she will instantly jump back to the Plan B guy (Yes, they always have a backup plan).
And please… please… forget those dating advices from magazines at home. Women are like normal guys, not British aristocrats. If your date was a success, well, congratulations. Remember a woman is not like ludo but more like football. You have to learn the basics in order to be any good at it. Invest time and passion and you will slowly discover the joy of having her in your life.