You may have been in this predicament. Falling in love with someone only to discover later that he is a cheat. It pains. The anger, the resentment, the questions; it almost feels like someone has slit your throat open.
It is said that a man only needs three things; sex, support and loyalty, well at least according to Steve Harvey’s book, ‘Act like a Man Think like a Lady.’He argues that men are simple creatures and the slightest hint of not ‘feeling wanted’ can drive them to look for ‘mpango wa kando.’ Some do it for love, some for sex, some to boost their self-esteem, while others are just wired to be unfaithful.
At the beginning of a relationship, everyone seems well-behaved. The woman will dress to kill, get all dolled up and is always checking her make-up and hair. She’s playful and can pull some jaw-dropping, kinky dance moves.
A few months later and the story changes. She’s more like a baleful, grumpy grandma. She’s probably feeling worn and unattractive. Her self-esteem is in the gutter. She no longer feels sexy, beautiful or desirable.
The man, on the other hand, feels the woman is no longer interested in him. It is a perfect setting for infidelity and fertile ground for unfaithfulness. Regardless of the reasons why couples cheat, there are no excuses for being adulterous.
Consider these bitter truths before embarking on a philandering and randy trip.
1. The grass is never greener on the other side. The thrill you are looking for by cheating would not materialise. Don’t be a coward, instead, face your problems head-on and make the relationship work.
2. A cycle of lies. Imagine getting caught and the other man discovering there’s someone else in your life. Not that he may be free either. Truth of the matter is that infidelity thrives on lies and both the man and woman are likely to be choked by an arduous network of untruths. It is a cycle of lies. Imagine the fallout and resentment when the truth of your cheating lives finally burst to the open.
3. Risk of infections. This may sound obvious and need not be belaboured. But hey, fact is your wandering ways makes you vulnerable to sexually transmitted infections. God help you if you pass on the same to your spouse or partner!
4. Do unto others…I believe none of us would want to be cheated on, hence the golden rule ‘treat others as you would want to be treated.’ Put yourself in your spouse’s or partner’s shoes before taking off for a sexcapade.
5. Loosening ties that bind. What primarily binds a relationship is trust. If this is lost, it might take forever to salvage or never be regained. Are you willing to let that go?
Source: SDE