By Our Reporter
Ugandans love fast results, fast cures, fast foods, fast solutions to everything. For this reason, we can’t find a single iota of excellence in the Ugandan blood. Because, excellence is not a one day affair, products, solutions must be refined if they must come within the proximity of perfection. Don’t tell that to Ugandans, we are a population of the quick obsession; our obsession for fads is not questionable. We profile the things that have seen Ugandans obsessed over the years and why we shall continue with the madness.
1. Aloevera
There was a time when Aloevera was the word in every part of the city. Every minute, someone was trying to sell you Aloevera in one form or another; another would be on the radio asking you to embrace the Aloevera solutions. Not that Aloevera and its medicinal purposes are a myth, but they were being blown out of proportion. The marketing industry in Uganda is one that sold us our fears first, and once we had the fears, they could throw any product at us.
2. Vanilla
This started with the Vanilla growers in Mukono and Kayunga. At first, they were growing all the Vanilla for export to feel the gaps left by the leading world exporters that had been hit by vagaries of weather. Once the international market diminished, the farmers were left with no option but to focus all their efforts on the local market. Soon, one had to take their milk with Vanilla, and so was the mineral water that we bought in shops.
3. Moringa
How Ugandans begun planting Moringa in their home gardens? At breakfast tables, ladies would be seen adding teaspoons of Moringa to their warm water and claiming all sorts of factual and non-factual wonders of Moringa. Some claimed it reduced the high blood pressure; others even linked it to the cure of HIV. Speaking of HIV cures, in the nineties, a young Ugandan doctor started what became another of those myths, the Mariandina cure for HIV. Because of the multi-vitamins in the pills he was selling, HIV positive patients would experience improvements and then rush out to claim that they were cured.
4. Bio-Disc
Place anything you are about to drink on top of a bio-disc and all the toxins will be eliminated. Those were the days when rumours went around that people were being poisoned. The days of bio-discs in Uganda. They made it seem like without one, you would be dying in the next hour. The bio-discs came and they went.
5. Quail Eggs
This is the trend now. Every shop keeper has a special tray of quail eggs going for a higher price than chicken eggs. The list of things that quail eggs cure is endless. It is the new magical obsession. Soon enough, it shall also pass. At this rate, we are most likely to hear of Marijuana aka weed being the new wonder drug.
6. Dr. Ssali and Naturotherapy
Yes we must go natural; yes we could heal many diseases by changing our diets. But the Dr. Ssali clinic takes it a notch higher. Every day, he presents something we’ve been eating the wrong way, or something we’ve not been eating. He showcases how to eat that thing then praises it for his great health. He currently markets the enema method. Water is inserted into the rectum through a tube, causing the emptying of the lower bowel.
7. Dr. Rashid Lukwago
One of the local Luganda TV stations played a role in throwing him into our faces. Today, there’s a Lukwago on every street. The herbal trend is also on-going. People are convinced it’s the way to go. The herbalists claim to cure everything, at a faster rate. They even help solve premature ejaculation, and low IQ problems.
8. The Pastors
There were days when Pastor Robert Kayanja was the man to go to. Those were the days of the Kabandole buses that would pick you from wherever you resided and took you to church. Then came the days of Kiwedde. Kiwedde was the person. Kiwedde left and in came Kiwewesi of Kansanga Miracle Centre. Then came Pastor Sserwadda of Ndeeba Victory Church. Then Pastor Jamadda. You think we were done yet? We had Prime Time in Makerere, then Bukalango, then Watoto Church, before we knew it all, it was Phaneroo, then Pastor Kakande. The list here is endless, Mama Phina herself included.
9. The Rich Men
From Mike Ezra to Bad Black to Zari and the Sangomas, now Ham is the name. What hasn’t Ham built? Everything. There were days when every building in Kampala was owned by Kirumira, the trends have now changed, everything they say, is owned by Ham.
10. The Musicians
Please don’t get me started here. We’ve seen one hit wonders come and go. We’ve seen people come and scare us claiming they are the new hot thing, only to disappear in oblivion. We had Rabadaba, we had Yung Mulo, we had Qute Kaye, we had East World, we had Captain Dollar, even Racheal K?
I don’t write this article to denigrate this Ugandan culture, but to present more questions for Ugandan society. Why don’t we build systems that last? Why is it that every solution, every creative enterprise, every business that we start is so fragile? How come we have songs that expire within weeks? How come we make a fuss over issues only to forget about them in days? Who doesn’t remember Gilbert Arinaitwe? Who doesn’t remember Kazinda? Why do we have a low attention span, and a low retention capability for solutions? Have we thought of building anti-fragile solutions? You can mention a million Ugandan things that came, held their place for a moment only to disappear into oblivion. Oh Uganda, may God uphold thee.