A forced marriage is one in which one or both partners are married against their will. Today even in our modernisation and education, forced marriages are common all over the world, especially in Africa and Asia.
Studies show for example that each year over 18 million young girls under 18 are married without their consent.
Four years ago, a very rich Ashanti businessman asked his son, a banker to marry his sister’s daughter, a graduate teacher. In Akan culture, you can marry your uncle’s daughter but the man objected to this idea. They had grown up together in the same house and saw themselves as brother and sister.
Again both were in serious relationships but the father wouldn’t take no for an answer. He used blackmail, intimation and threats. In Ashanti, the worst ultimatum is for a father to say that if you do not do his wish and he dies, do not attend his funeral.
The pressure was unbearable and the young man married the woman. Fortunately they are happily married.
The above story is an example of a forced marriage. Note however, that forced marriage is different from arranged marriage because in the latter, both partners consent to the wishes of the third party be they friends or relatives.
Why forced marriages?
Some want to preserve wealth and family reputation. They want to ensure that lands and other properties remain in the family. It is common to find two rich fathers forcing their children to marry.
In some cases some arrange for their children to marry the children of their friends to cement their friendship. There are also cases where some parents, fearing their children are in relationships they are not happy about, force others on them just to ensure their children do not stray to tribes they do not want them to marry from.
The danger
Most victims of forced marriages are young. Forced marriage therefore increases their vulnerability to health and domestic abuse. Some face isolation and restriction of movement.
A young girl in forced marriage feels frightened and withdrawn. This may predispose her to depression.
When she decides to leave, family members would do all to keep her in the marriage.
‘He is good because he is taking good care of you… all marriages are difficult… all men are like that…it will get better… stay because of the children…..it will bring shame to you and your family’ are some common excuses family members give to make a woman stay in a bad marriage.
Every adult has the basic right to choose whom to marry. No parent, church or state has the right to force anyone to marry against his or her will. Being in a marriage you do not want can be worse than no life at all. This explains why some have committed suicide over forced marriages.
This also explains why in the Catholic Church for example, a forced marriage is seen as an impediment, a situation which stands in the way of a true marriage.
A marriage known to have be contracted by force is invalidated with the couples free to remarry.
Do forced marriages work?
Do all you can to resist forced marriage but if the situation is beyond your control go in and do your best. Today studies show there is little to tell in terms of success, among marriage contracted through courtship, arranged marriages and forced marriages.
Life during the marriage is what matters. This means what you do when you marry is a more important determining factor of your success and not how you married.
If you work on your marriage, irrespective of how you contracted it, it will work. With positive mental attitude, commitment, hard work, effective communication, forgiving spirit and prayer you will enjoy the beauty of true love no matter how you found it.
Source: Graphiconline