By Our Reporter
It all started before Rema dropped out of Kyambogo University where she was pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Administrative and Managerial Science. She choked on retakes, tried to change to a Fashion and Design course before finally calling it quits and choosing to concentrate on music and marriage.
Rema at the time had a very big disliking for men who would hit on her in English. In fact, former course-mates narrate that the only dudes she ever dated were those who had vibed her in Luganda right from the start. Rema has Buganda at heart and she’s always decided, she will never love a man who’s sold his tongue to the English language.
This explains why the first person Rema ever moved in with was Eddy Kenzo. Kenzo had the perfect appeal for Rema. He was still struggling with his English at the time as his songs could attest, yet he was now successful and very charming.
All hell broke loose when Eddy Kenzo flew out following the Sitya Loss viral success, and then Eddy Kenzo became fluent in English. At first, Rema thought this was just for a moment only to realize that Kenzo was serious at mastering the queen’s language, which was a necessity if Eddy kenzo was to communicate with his fellow international stars such as Davido.
It’s then that Rema chose to give Kenzo the biggest revenge by getting pregnant for Sir.Mathias Walukaaga, a man knighted by the Buganda kingdom. Walukaaga had earlier bought Rema her first laptop which she used to type her course-work, Walukaaga also paid for the Windows installation on this laptop.
So why did Kenzo get dumped by Rema? It’s because he became good at speaking English. Apparently, Rema has always felt threatened by Men who speak better English. This explains why his relationship with Pr. Peter Ssematimba didn’t last.
This also explains why among his list of men is a certain Hajji from Masaka and another successful trader in Kikubo. Thus, the heuristic has been set; “to open Rema’s legs, English should be your enemy.” Rema doesn’t reply Whatsapp messages sent to her phone in English however, she will reply in record-breaking time if the messages are sent in Luganda.
Now that we are waiting for the Kwanjula of Rema and Walukaaga, we wish to warn him in advance, “learn from the mistakes of Kenzo, don’t try to advance your English.”
