By Ian Nkera Ford
Picture a game of football where every player is concentrated in the opposition’s area preparing for a corner kick. The referee blows the whistle, then a deadly ball is swung in from the corner spot and every player rises to either score or thwart the ball back into play. Unlucky for the defenders, one player rises heels and shoulders above the rest and strikes the ball with his head beyond a hapless goalkeeper to register a score.
Life presents us such scenarios as we have a certain crop of male celebrities or should I say ‘players’ who have been getting in the headers. Every strike has conviction and will always get the goals. Their strike rate is unrivalled as every time they shoot on target, the net will shake in agreement. For those who are still trying to figure this out, I am talking about our siring kings. These guys sire a kid every year from whomever is willing to have the infamous tag of ‘baby mama’ hanging by their sleeve.
Weasel
This dreadlocked singer makes the list unsurprisingly as number one. The goodlyfe artiste has shared his genital fluid more generously than a sextape is shared on whatsapp. He has grown the ‘Mayanja’ lineage to as far as the Scandinavian region. His baby making skills are legendary that research findings have stated that 1 in 10 women from the semi ghetto suburbs has bore him a child. His heading skills can be likened to Chelsea and Ivory Coast legend Didier Drogba.
Mc Kats aka Edwin Katamba
The pint sized MC is one super striker for a man of his slight frame. Although he has been making his mark in many leagues, he has always found a fortress in the KKL(kid’s league) which lines up young opposition(read young girls). He has registered a staggering 16 headed goals(read kids) and is still counting. Though slightly behind Weasel in the scoring charts, he stands tall with his figures. Goalkeepers like Fille are still yet to concede from his thunderous headers but we can only rely on time as the only limiting factor. MC Kats is similar to the great Australian striker Tim Cahill.
Dr Jose Chameleone
The lanky singer is one for the header. Great siring kings like rabbits would stand and applaud in awe. The singer has registered a goal every season he has played in and won man of the match awards in the Daniella Premier League. Every year he has headed goals (read kids) and we can only think of a replacement for the great goalkeeper Daniella who has repeatedly conceded his goals. We also suspect that he has scored in other leagues (read other women).We can liken him to the great John Terry of Chelsea.
The big two
Bobi Wine and Bebe Cool though registering impressive numbers stay in a distant third but we can strongly affirm that in a few years time, the two could be up there in the scoring charts. Bebe Cool like Lukaku has scored a paltry 4 headed goals (read kids) with Bobi Wine also racking the same amount.
Well there you have it, some of the guys who SCORE ON TARGET. Other upcoming stars like Eddie Kenzo, Mowzey Radio and others make the list. Fans out there can include their own.
NB:DON’T TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY.
“[katogoaward]”