By Ian Ortega
I was speaking to my friend, and we were analyzing a certain beautiful girl. She’s hot, she splendid and she even has the character. Yet, my thoughts didn’t differ from those of my friend. He envisaged nothing more than a one night stand. And if the sex turns out to be good, three more booty calls before he dumps her and forgets everything about her.
But what is the true cost of a girlfriend in contemporary Uganda? Let’s try to find out how much an average Ugandan man will spend on his girlfriend per week? Let’s take a rough cut of 50K. At least, that’s the minimum that’s expected from the main guy. Otherwise, if a man goes below that, there’s a high chance, she’s seeing another man to supplement what she gets.
So assuming you are spending Shs 50, 000 on her per week. That makes Shs 200, 000 per month. Over a period of a year, that’s 2.4 million. And if the relationship goes on for 3 years, that will mean 7.2 million. It comes to 10 million if we are to factor in the inflation rate. Mind you, we have not accounted for the gifts on Valentines, Christmas and for the birthday party that you are always expected to throw for her.
So assuming a man had decided to divert this money to other causes? An acre in Buikwe district costs not more than 2 million. This is a growing district, where the Katosi road is going to pass. On top of this money, one can put up a good house for not more than 6million. The balance of 2 million, he can use it to buy piglets or a good fertile cow and he will be seated on a gold mine.
But of course, many men don’t realize that they are spending on girls. Most of the costs are indirect. She asks for daily airtime. She asks you to take her out. She will complain indirectly about her hair that she needs to change. And in case you don’t do these things, another man will do them and soon you will be dumped.
And what is the man getting in return? He gets sex once in a while. He gets excruciating drama. Or perhaps, the “how was your day” phone calls.
Mind you, most men keep trying to get into the pants of other girls. So how much does a man spend on calling a new girl? How much does he spend to invite her over? And to arrange dates with a new girl? The whole cost of having a relationship doesn’t make sense to a Ugandan with a sense of economics.
Even for men without girlfriends, men who do short term flings. There’s a cost per notch. The cost per notch is how much a man is spending in order to get laid. How much is sex costing Ugandan men?
Let’s say you request for a meeting with her. So you go out to a bar or night club. You spend at least 50,000 on drinks and perhaps 30,000 on food. After that, you have to factor in the cost of transport back to your place. That’s not less than 20,000, whether you are driving or using public means. Next day, of course, you have to give her money back to her place. Usually, 20,000 or 50,000. At the best of it, you can’t spend less than 30,000 to get laid. That’s if you are a man of game. Otherwise, for men without game, it may require them to do this for at least 5 times before the girl agrees to give you some. That’s about 150,000 in total, just for a few hours of sex. Or minutes of sex, since most men ejaculate within 2 minutes, at least 85% of Ugandan men from random surveys.
How much does a professional escort cost? Not more than 100,000. No drama, assured of sex and assured of hotness.
I write in order to philosophize and open up room for discussion. Is it worth it to even maintain a long term relationship in Uganda anymore? If one did a cost-benefit analysis of being in a relationship, is it worth it?
Should we then be surprised to see most men looking out for sluts, girls who are quick to accept booty calls and one-night stands or whores, girls who will let go for their goods at a price less than what a girlfriend will let out hers. Besides, girlfriends in the modern day sense could go off for whores, you pay in order to keep receiving her services.
Thus I ask, can Ugandan men afford the cost of a girlfriend? Isn’t it cheaper to just go the Katsha way? Get one piece of a** to flaunt off and pay her in direct terms, well aware of the true cost? What is the average cost per Ugandan notch? What is the true cost of having a Ugandan girlfriend?
“Sometimes you look back at the money you spent on girls instead of sending it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real.”—-Ivan Ssemwanga, Ugandan Philosopher of 2015 AD.
Note: In his free time, Ian Ortega blogs at www.ortegaian.com
