The next question to ask yourself is do you want to put things back on track? If you think with some tweaking, you can get your relationship running smooth, then it’s worth doing, isn’t it?
You’ve assessed how you feel, now for the tough stuff. Talk to him about the way you feel and the changes for the worse you’ve noticed. Even if he’s neglecting you, there may be a relationship worth saving. Guys get wrapped up in their own lives and that makes them dense to everyone around them. They may not even know they’re doing you harm. Also guys are not talkers. His turning away from you could be indicative of his fears. He may be worried things are moving too fast and this is his way of slowing things down or it could be something outside of your relationship that’s sucking up his energy. Either way, get to the bottom of the problem. But if you’ve tried getting through to him and you’ve tried to make changes for the better and it’s all failed, then jump ship.
Hopefully, he’ll respond to you pointing out that you two are in trouble, but there’s also a chance he’s not interested and he doesn’t care. Then, whether you like it or not, you have hit the end of the road. If it isn’t working for you, then go.
Check your happiness barometer. If the needle is pointing to storm clouds all the time instead of the smiley sunshine face and you can’t see a way of swinging it back, then you’ve got a problem. Happiness is a state of being we all should strive for; after all, life is short and can only be made longer by misery. That’s not a great way to attain immortality. If your job sucks and it’s bringing you down, then change jobs. If you don’t like where you live, move. The same applies to relationships. If you’re miserable and you can’t see a way around it, break up.
Ending a relationship is never easy and requires though and strength. It’s going to leave a wound, but you’ll eventually heal.
Make A Clean Break
OK, you’ve decided it’s over. You want to start fresh and meet someone compatible. This is the real tough bit. Actually ending it. It’s not going to be fun, but you have to be courageous. You have to actually say the words, “It’s over.” There can’t be any confusion. There’s no good way, but some ways are better than others.
Be Direct
If you want to end the relationship, tell him face to face. No post-it notes on the refrigerator for him to find when he comes home to an empty house or letters from lawyers. The only exception to this rule is if you suspect he may become violent. But at least leave a phone message explaining yourself.
Don’t be ambiguous. I can’t stress this enough. Too many women don’t want to hurt their man’s feelings or try to soften the blow, so they wrap the discussion up in vagaries. They say things like, “Things aren’t working out right now, but that doesn’t mean I’ll always feel that way.” He walks away thinking he’s still got a chance when there isn’t one or wondering whether the relationship is really over. The more humane thing is just to say it straight. Don’t disguise what you mean.
Where To Break The News?
Choose a place for the break up where both of you are comfortable and there are no distractions. This may be in your home, but your home can dilute the importance of what you’re saying. Your home is a familiar place and the break up loses significance. It can be seen as just another argument at home. So what’s new? Instead, take him somewhere quiet you can talk. I would steer clear of restaurants because if it turns into an ugly scene, no one needs to see it. And don’t take him to one of his favorite places to do it either, or broadcast it over the public address system during a Yankee’s game. That’s just cruel.
Tell Him What Went Wrong
I say this for two reasons. You guys didn’t work, but hopefully he can learn from his mistakes and succeed with someone new. And again, it removes the element of ambiguity. You are leaving him because he never does anything for you, he doesn’t pull his weight, he’s inconsiderate of your feelings, he’s unsupportive of your career, he demeans you in public, etc. Whatever the reasons, tell him what they are. This isn’t so you can be vindictive, but as I’ve said before, guys aren’t mind readers. He may not even be aware of his behavior. Now this isn’t an excuse, but if he isn’t aware, he should know. You might even ignite an epiphany. He might surprise you and want to change his ways. Of course, if you catalog his shortcomings, be prepared to receive a list of yours. Don’t get angry or defensive, just listen. There my be some valid points in what he’s telling you.
Be Adult About The Breakup
Don’t tell him it’s over by introducing him to your new man or having one of your friends or family members tell him. Breakups are bad enough. They don’t need an element of revenge.
Also, keep it civil. I know that’s easier said than done, but if you take a methodical and reasoned approach to breaking up with him, it’s harder for a war of words to break out. It won’t enable you to leave with smiles and hugs, but at least your CD collection won’t be thrown out. At the end of the day, you may not leave as friends, but you should be able to bump into each other on the street and not unleash a bout of Tourettes.
Wrap It Up
Relationships fail, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You shouldn’t stay with someone if you’re miserable. Happiness should be your life’s goal and a good relationship factors into that equation.
Source: Yourtango.com