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Are you really having good sex?

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couple making out

By Bessie Fox

Some people say men are looking for good sex in a relationship and women are looking for love. Some studies have shown that, no, actually it is the women looking for good sex while men are searching for some kind of connection. Well, I will have you know that at the end of the day, none of that matters – not the studies, not even what everyone else is thinking. We all desire a connection and if we connect through sex, it had better be a damn good sexual adventure. Don’t you agree? But then again, so many people care so much about opinions and how they will be perceived if they openly talk about sex.

Talking about sex is a taboo. Even when talking to our bros and sisters, some of us edit our conversations like pros, often times taking out the best parts and replacing them with generalised words or code words. We get that, sex is private, and yet sex is the most selling topic in movies, advertising, and books. So, if we are seeing it everywhere, why not talk about it? Why wait to learn the “hard” way? Why pretend like we don’t care and then secretly Google about it.

After all is said and done, we need to have good sex, responsibly of course. However, we all can’t have good sex if we fail to make good and meaningful connections with our partners and friends. The idea of good and safe sex gets distorted when we think of getting STI’s, pregnant and for many of us who are seeking a connection, the fear of getting “used” and left with a broken heart is real. We have heard about those married couples who fight everyday and sleep in different rooms. One can only imagine what kind of sex they are having, if they are getting any. Most failed marriages today are ruined by bad communication, lack of trust, secrets and unevolved expectations in gender roles. All these failings eventually trickle down to sex, hence bad sex and then no sex, and then somehow we hear that our perfect couples are cheating on each other or that they are holding on because of the kids. What gives? A frustrated relationship is equal to bad sex and once it gets to that point, we all act like the relationship is no more.

The importance of exploring all the dynamics of good sex isn’t classified but rather justified. NTV’s Chicken and Chips show is an example of taking this topic by the horns. Topics about sex and relationships are openly discussed on the show, and on their social media platforms.

Chicken and Chips is not holding back to make anyone feel comfortable or to honour taboos, nope! Rather, it is disrupting the usual way of #KeepQuiet by asking all the questions we all want to ask but won’t.

You can watch the episodes for yourself every Sunday at 1:30pm or the replay on Friday at 4pm. They include “puppet reality TV” based on real conversations, and “talk of the town” filming people answering some deep questions on the streets of Kampala, plus music videos and “social experiments” that capture people on candid camera in funny situations.  Maybe you’ll have better sex once you get a chance to really talk about it!

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Relationships

Ugandan Millenials are Ghosting out of Relationships

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By Staff Writer

Gone are the days when boyfriends and girlfriends would sit down and agree to end a relationship. Now, Ugandan millenials have changed the trends. They are just ghosting.

According to research, Ugandan couples no longer suffer with breakup lines. “He simply stops talking to you. He stops replying your messages. Then you just figure out that the relationship is done,” says one of the victims of ghosting.

According to older generations, ghosting is a cowardly way of ending relationships. But it turns out millenials are also ghosting at jobs. “You employ them, they work for some months then they just stop showing up. Next thing you know they moved on to another job. It is unprofessional,” says a human resource director.

Let us hear from you. Have you been ghosted? Have you ghosted before?

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Relationships

How to Attract the Opposite Sex Effortlessly

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Do you want to know how you can become more attractive to the opposite gender and catch all the attention? Grooming tips and great clothes can make you look good, but to be attractive to others around you requires something completely different. Find out here.
Love Yourself

Nothing is as attractive as someone who is completely comfortable with the way they look and who they are. Believe in yourself and that you are worth everything that comes your way.

Think Positive

View the glass as half full. Compliment and remind yourself to do it and you’ll see the results in no time. The ability to see the good in everything not only makes your life easier, it gives a spring in your step and adds to your charm.

Indulge Yourself

Forget about your diet at least one day in a week and treat yourself to some creamy Belgian dark chocolate ice cream. Step out from under your umbrella and dance in the rain. The ability to let loose and not worry about the reactions of others makes you shine.

Keep an Active Social Life

We are, as a species, social in nature. We love to be with our fellow humans and take great pleasure in social groups, so throw off those comfy tracks and go out no matter how tired or lazy you feel. Once you get there, the fatigue will vanish, leaving you with a sparkle in your eye. Seeing someone having fun with their friends is hot!

Don’t Think About the Competition

It’ll just bring you down. People tend to underestimate themselves, which is good in a few ways, but always keep in mind that you have a few traits that no one else has, and this sets you apart.

Smile

It’s scientifically proven that smiling and laughing release endorphins that make you feel happier. Not only does it give you a mood booster but it makes you look more approachable and not intimidating in the least, so people will be more open to coming up to you.

Be Mysterious

You have to leave the opposite gender guessing. That’s part of the fun and leaves them wanting more.

Be Able to Laugh at Yourself

Whether you have spinach in your teeth or whether you fell down the stairs, if you stop and think about it, it is funny. So laugh and watch how many people warm up to you.

Make “Me Time”

Everyone needs to spend at least half an hour a day by themselves. Meditate, reflect on the day or just relax. It’ll do you a world of good. Deal with all your work beforehand and spend some time by yourself before you turn in, so you can fall asleep and wake up with a sunny, happy aura that others would love to share.

You see, being an attractive person with loads of sex appeal is easy, as long as you remember that it is more about yourself, your happy aura and your confidence than anything else.

lovepanky

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The Top 12 Qualities Men Want in a Woman

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She is family oriented.
Before I get heat from people who say that not everyone is close to their family and that doesn’t make them a bad person or whatever – that goes without saying. Let’s keep in mind that I speak from my own perspective and to me, a woman who values both her and my family is important when considering a long term future. I’m sure most men who someday want a family of their own would agree with me.

She is kindhearted.
I’m not quite sure how to explain this one. I feel like just the word ‘kindhearted’ in itself gets the point across. A woman who is thoughtful. Loving. Caring. Who does small things for you for no other reason that she loves you (as you do for her). A woman who, when she smiles at you, gives you no choice but to smile back. A woman who radiates warmth from her heart. That is a woman a man would want to marry.

She is intellectually challenging.
There is no denying that someone’s looks are what initially draws us to them. It’s difficult to spot a great personality from across the room. Many a fling was built on physical attraction alone, but how long can it last?

When conversations lack depth or intrigue, we often fill our time with physical activity together, but it is impossible to build a real connection or lasting relationship with someone on that alone. Being intellectually challenging and having the ability to hold real discussions about meaningful topics, will always trump shallow beauty in the long run.

She is understanding and empathetic.
Being compassionate, supportive, and encouraging towards your partner is a huge part of building a successful relationship. Nobody wants a person who is a “Debbie Downer” all the time and will not support them in their endeavors or their times of need. Life is full of challenges that any couple will face together, particularly a married couple. Sometimes men need a shoulder to cry on, too.

She is ambitious.
In addition to supporting and encouraging you pursuing your own goals and dreams, she will have her own as well. A mature woman has a vision for her future and chases after it with voracity.

A mature woman will be someone you can take on the world with. A partner in crime, a teammate in your relationship, and in life.

She is consistent.
Being consistent is a valuable virtue because it lets your partner know that you really are who you are. You haven’t sent your “representative” to get to know them during the first couple of months of dating, but then suddenly transform once they’ve committed themselves to you.

To clarify the point, think of consistency as the opposite of volatility. If someone is unpredictable and volatile, it’s difficult to know how they will be acting towards you on a certain day, and that gets old no matter how aesthetically pleasing she is.

She is willing to put in effort for you.
I am all about giving in relationships. I believe seeing your significant other happy should also make you happy – but it is important to understand that it goes both ways.

Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as slipping the waiter her debit card to pay for dinner. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither should she.

If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.

Side note: Equally as important is to make sure both teammates always show the other their appreciation for this effort. Feeling taken for granted can easily lead to resentment and other negative results in a relationship.

She holds similar values as you.
This is often an extension of the family-oriented point in the beginning, because many times our value system comes from our upbringing. The things we find important (or not), the things we believe in strongly (or not), the way we treat others, and ourselves. It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to someone or even how well you get along, if your values don’t align, you will always be clashing in the long term.

Physical attractiveness.
Sorry, but it has to be said. The good news is, every man is attracted to a different type of woman and has his own personal tastes. Meaning, I am in no way suggesting a woman has to fit a certain image of ‘beauty’ in order to be considered ‘wife material.’ But, as is true for both men and women, there needs to be a physical attraction between two partners to kick off a relationship, which also plays an important part in holding it together.

She is friendly and sociable.
I know, at least for me, I enjoy being social and I love having my girlfriend by my side. So, naturally, we will find ourselves together out at events or even just bumping into people at a restaurant or bar. No man wants to be worried about the attitude his girlfriend or wife is going to give to the friend he is trying to introduce her to. He doesn’t want her to turn up her nose or be short with them – it is important that as his teammate in life, she is his teammate in all areas of life.

It is important for a couple to be able to be playful and joke around with each other. It helps lighten the mood, makes extended periods of time together more fun, and laughing together never gets old.

She is loving and affectionate.
This is more of a bonus point. It may not need to be said, because a few of the points above just direct back to someone being loving in general, anyway. But, I think it’s important to state just the same.

For me, affection is important. Holding hands, hugs, just being physically close together. It symbolizes a connection. It’s a warm, loving feeling, and I would have a hard time building a long-term relationship with a woman who shrugs off your arm when you put it around her or always feels ‘separate’ from me.

Needless to say, every man likely has a different ‘checklist’ for what he is looking for in the woman that he would consider potentially making his wife someday, but my instinct tells me one would be hard-pressed to find a guy who didn’t agree with the points listed here.

goodmenproject

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