At first glance, Debbie Dowsett and her partner Tony Williams look like a normal, middle aged couple.
The loved-up pair, who met at a residents’ meeting 17 years ago, enjoy long walks in the countryside or snuggling up on the sofa in front of a film – a seemingly conventional relationship.
But the neighbours on their quiet, terraced street would be stunned to learn of their very unconventional arrangement which allows the couple to have affairs.
The unassuming pair have an open relationship , meaning they’re free to sleep with as many other people as they like.
Between them, they’ve notched up over 30 conquests in just four years.
Now, Debbie, 43, has four other boyfriends while 59-year-old Tony divides his time between Debbie and two mistresses. They both also enjoy occasional one night stands.
Incredibly, they claim their unusual arrangement hasn’t damaged their 17 year relationship – but made their bond stronger than ever.
Retired engineer Tony said: “We’re like any other normal, committed couple – the only difference is that we don’t think it’s natural to be monogamous.
“Our relationship is more passionate than ever. We make love five times a week and we’re always kissing and cuddling. How many other couples can say that
“The reason it works so well is because we have affairs. People have made nasty comments to us and I’ve been told we’re disgusting but humans aren’t built to be faithful.
“The people who criticise us are usually unhappy in their own relationships. In the time I’ve been with Debbie, I’ve seen so many of my friends go through multiple break ups.
“I can’t help but think an open relationship could have been the answer to their problems.”
Tony first suggested an open relationship to Debbie two years after they found love at a residents’ association meeting near their home in Ilford, Essex.
Hairdresser Debbie refused, fearing her partner would leave her for another woman if she allowed him to sleep around.
But in 2011, she had a change of heart – and the pair both set up profiles on Illicit Encounters, a controversial dating site targeted at people who are already in relationships.
She opened up: “When Tony first suggested an open relationship, I was really against the idea.
“I was a bit naive – I’d slept with a few previous boyfriends, but I’d never had a one night stand or done anything outrageous. I was scared Tony would leave me if I let him have sex with other people.
“But as the years went on, I wanted sex more than Tony. By that time, I felt much more secure about our relationship and I was confident neither of us would get jealous.
“It was the best decision I’ve ever made. Having lots of boyfriends makes me feel really confident and adventurous but it’s not just about sex.
“One man likes to spoil me and treat me like a princess, while another takes me to museums and art galleries. They all know about Tony. One of my boyfriends even pops in to chat when he picks me up for dates.
“I’ll always come home to Tony – but now I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve.”
Divorced dad-of-four Tony was instantly attracted to Debbie when the pair locked eyes at the meeting back in 1998 but they were friends for six months before they began dating.
Shortly after they moved in together, he suggested seeing other people – but insists he was faithful for more than a decade until Debbie had her dramatic change of heart.
The pair established several ground rules. They agreed to use protection and have STI tests every six months and to keep each other informed of their whereabouts at all times.
“What bloke doesn’t want to sleep with more than one woman at a time” Tony said.
“I had to ask the question but I respected Debbie’s wishes when she said she didn’t want an open relationship.
“When she changed her mind, I was delighted. I knew having sex with other people would stop our relationship from going stale – and I was right. It’s better than ever.
“We’ve only told a few close friends and they have been shocked, because we seem so happy and devoted to each other.
“But when we’ve explained the benefits, a few of them have admitted they wish they had the guts to give it a go.
“I don’t discuss my sex life with my children much, but one of my sons knows I have other girlfriends and he’s told me he’s fine with it if it makes me happy.”
But Debbie didn’t take the decision to enter into the arrangement lightly.
“I gave it a lot of consideration,” she admitted.
“But I’ve got a really high sex drive and, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to try it.
“Tony was over the moon when I brought the subject up again and he even helped me write my dating profile.
“Within a few hours, 30 people had viewed my profile and, before long, I’d arranged to meet a businessman at a local hotel.
“I was really nervous, but Tony was supportive. He even told me how nice I looked. I had a few drinks with my date before we went to his room for sex. It was different, but fun.”
While Debbie was meeting several new men a week, Tony struggled to attract the same level of interest.
“There are far more men on the site looking for affairs than there are women,” he said.
“I just had to accept that Debbie got more attention than I did.
“I wasn’t jealous, though. It’s just one of those things. I knew she’d come home to me afterwards and I really enjoyed her newfound confidence in the bedroom.”
But not all of Debbie’s experiences were positive.
“I started talking to a man in his twenties,” she said.
“I thought it might be fun to have a younger boyfriend.
“But when we met up, he was so nervous he couldn’t perform. He was really embarrassed and he broke down. It was all a bit much. We didn’t speak again afterwards.”
Eventually, Tony began seeing a married woman in her late forties. They bonded over their love of rugby and started attending matches together.
“It works out well, because Debbie isn’t a big rugby fan,” he said.
“This lady is lovely and she doesn’t expect me to leave Debbie for her.
“She’s married, but her husband doesn’t know we’re sleeping together. I don’t feel guilty as that’s between them.
“I’ve been cheated on before myself and I’ll admit I was gutted, but I wasn’t upset that my ex girlfriend had slept with someone else – I was upset because she’d lied. I didn’t blame the other man.
“I don’t have a problem with people cheating on their partners with me, as long as they’re not having an affair to get revenge on someone who has cheated on them. That’s asking for trouble.”
By this point, Debbie was seeing two of her current flames – a high flying businessman and a healthcare worker, both divorcees in their mid forties.
“The businessman spends a lot of money on me,” she said.
“He once whisked me off to a castle in Scotland for a weekend of passion. It was really exciting but I was happy to get home to Tony afterwards.
“The healthcare worker is a bit quieter, but I love our trips to museums. He confides in me about his problems and it’s nice to be able to help.
“The sex is good, too, and I picked up some tips to take home to Tony – although we agree not to go into too much detail about what we’ve done with other partners.”
In time, Tony met his second mistress, a divorced woman ten years his junior, while Debbie started seeing a former film stuntman in his fifties and another man her own age.
“The stuntman asked if he could pop in and say hello to Tony one evening as he dropped me off,” she said.
“It was a little strange, but I agreed.
“Now, they have a chat every time he picks me up and it’s so nice to know they get on.
“My fourth boyfriend is a total gentleman. He’s a businessman, too, and wants to pay for everything. What woman doesn’t want to be wined and dined”
In total, Debbie has slept with 20 people, while Tony has had 10 lovers.
“We do try to make sure we arrange dates for the same evening,” Debbie said.
“But it’s not a big deal if one of us is left home alone.
“Sometimes it’s nice to watch what you want on TV and have a double bed to yourself.
“Some of my friends can’t believe I don’t get jealous if I know Tony is sleeping with someone else. I was scared this might be the case at first, but I honestly don’t mind.
“We’ve agreed that if one of us becomes unhappy with having an open relationship, we’ll stop seeing our other partners.
“I can’t lie – I’d find it hard to readjust to monogamy but if it’s what Tony wanted, I’d have to make it work. He will always be my priority.”
Tony, however, has no intentions of calling time on their arrangement.
“No matter how much you love your partner, you’ll always fancy other people,” he said.
“It’s human nature. The difference is that most people allow themselves to look, but not touch. That’s how frustration and resentment set in.
“Debbie and I have got the best of both worlds – a loving relationship and the freedom to act on our natural urges. We’re not going to go back to being monogamous just because society thinks we should.”