By Ian Ortega
It’s no surprise that woman speak in another language. They are subtle creatures, sneaky, devious, and say things in code.
It’s time for men to break the code of ********!
For your reading pleasure, bold will be the woman. Normal text will be the explanation. Italics will be what the Pook man is saying.
I’m not looking for a relationship right now.
TRANSLATED: I don’t want a relationship WITH YOU. Don’t even BOTHER trying to go out with me since I am saying that a relationship with you and me is already not going to happen.
POOK-MAN SAYS: I was nearby when a woman was giving this ‘veiled’ rejection to a co-worker. I jumped in, “So if you’re not looking for a relationship, then all you’re looking for is SEX, is that it?” Her mouth dropped, but I continued. “I don’t BELIEVE you women! That’s the ONLY thing you have on your minds is SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX! I am looking for a loving relationship, but NO, you women only want passionate raw animal sex! Now with me, I find you need to TASTE the other pleasures in life. So you CAN get your mind off of sex, right?” Her eyes were GLOWING at me. Funny, she suddenly wanted a relationship with me. Hah!
I don’t think of you in ‘that’ way.
My goodness, you ugly and a sexual dud!
I think of you as a brother! -OR- You remind me of my brother!
I would consider sex with you to be incest.
The kids were bad today.
Obviously, your genes are defective!
We were both wrong.
But you were more wrong!
This recipe didn’t turn out how I expected.
I burned dinner.
You don’t listen to me!
Try and complain. I DARE you.
Honey, I HATE to interrupt…
As if you were doing anything more important.
Have you had time to…
Stop what you’re doing, get up, and do it RIGHT NOW!
When you get a chance…
Do this immediately!
I hate to nag but…
I want you to get off the couch now!
Of course I don’t mind paying for myself.
Cheap date!
Let’s not rush things.
I have other prospects.
I’m not ready to settle down.
I sure as heck don’t want to settle down with YOU!
I enjoy the single life!
I enjoy not being with YOU!
I need more space!
You’re becoming undesirable and unattractive.
This is when you WALK AWAY
I’m focusing on my ‘career’.
My training and studying for my career is extremely boring and tedious yet more exciting then you’ll ever be.
Let’s just give it some time.
You’re not high on my rating list. You’re good insurance policy if a better prospect doesn’t show up.
I like you, but…
I don’t like you at all.
You’re not the type of guy I’d date, you’re the type of guy I’d marry!
You’re sexually a dud. You’re not fun to be with. But you are… ‘nice’.
A friend of mine responded to this line with, “And you’re not the type of girl I’d marry, but you would be the type for a one night stand!
Let’s Just Be Friends
You’ll never see me naked! I’m not attracted to you.
Pook Man then says, “No, I have enough friends. Buh-Bye!”
I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
Please continue to remain my girly friend. You make an excellent emotional tampon!
Honesty is very important to me.
Only tell me what I want to hear.
I only like you as a friend.
I’m not attracted to you.
“And I only see you as a flaming $lut w-hore!”
You’re so manly.
Shave, bathe, discover a thing called S-O-A-P.
Let me check my schedule to see if I’m doing anything.
I have plans. We do not.
We need…
I want…
Can you call me back? I need to…
I just need an excuse to get off the phone. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I LIED BLATANTLY TO YOUR FACE. Oh, and have a nice day!
How about you give me YOUR number.
I’ll add it to my trophy collection of guy’s phone numbers – pathetic guys who want me but I don’t want them!
Call her BS. “You just want to add it to your trophy collection of guy’s phone numbers who…”
I’m not upset…
I’m upset.
She’s upset.
Be romantic and turn out the lights.
I’m not proud of my body.
Do you love me?
I’m going to ask you for something expensive…
Am I fat?
Please tell me I’m beautiful.
I love men who take charge…
Pay the bill, you chump!
Sure, but I hope you’re not disappointed.
I’m flat chested.
I’m not that type of girl.
Keep trying.
Keep trying.
Don’t touch me there!
Touch me there, but I’ll stop you a few times first.
Heavy resistance is bad. Light resistance is normal. Woman WANT you to go for them. All women WANT to be taken.
Will you respect me in the morning?
You won’t tell your friends, right?
I’m not looking for anyone.
I’m not looking for anyone LIKE YOU.
We need to talk…
I need to complain!
Nod head, go ‘uh huh’, smile, repeat.
I need to think about it.
No way.
We have an off and on relationship.
I kept him around until someone BETTER shows up.
Where is this going?
Are we getting married?
No
No
Maybe
No
Let me think about it
No
I feel like I’ve known you my entire life!
Bingo! We have a Bingo! Will someone make sure this prize does not get away from me?
No
Yes.