1. That whole baseball thing is a terrible metaphor for s*x.
s*x acts don’t exist on a checklist. Foreplay isn’t some discrete event that can be rushed through before the “main event.” s*x isn’t a linear set of steps. It’s not about keeping score or rushing to home plate. s*x is an amorphous conglomeration of hormones and touching and adoration and lust and pleasure and imperfection. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it (a million times) again: s*x isn’t just intercourse, and intercourse shouldn’t be considered the culmination of s*x. Oral s*x is s*x. So is manual s*x. So is using a toy together. So is frottage!
2. Real s*x is nothing like most P0*n.
Watching P0*n is not obligatory. P0*n is a fantasy, and most of it caters to the assumed and narrowly-defined tastes of a limited audience. In other words, what might turn men on visually in P0*n (jackhammering, facials, gang bangs) won’t necessarily feel good, either physically or emotionally, to your partner in real life. You should know that most women don’t look anything like P0*n stars — ditto for the guys… especially their equipment. Don’t try to measure your partners, or yourself, against what you see on screen. Women in P0*n (and men too!) get implants and cosmetic surgery (on their junk) and spray tans and full body makeup and an*l bleaching and laser hair removal to look that way. In real life, labia come in all shapes and sizes (sometimes even different shapes and sizes on the same woman), in different shades, with different hairstyles. And the men in P0*n represent a small percentage of the population — they’re outliers in the size department, which is why they got the job in the first place! And those orgasms? More fake than not — even the guys, sometimes (Pina Colada mix, we’ve heard).
Basically, P0*n is a terrible place to learn about how to have great, satisfying s*x, and what that kind of s*x looks like. It’s an especially terrible place to learn about what women like in bed. A much better place to learn about s*x — and we can’t believe we’re saying this — is one of our books! Fine, fine, if you just can’t go there (we get it), then we’ll find you another.
3. Oral should be reciprocal.
Other oral s*x commandments, if you’re on the receiving end: Never push anyone’s head downtown. Never use their ears as a steering wheel. “Deep Throat” was the nickname of the Watergate informant — and that’s it! Basically, the standard rules for being a good person in general don’t end with oral: be respectful, communicate and don’t have double standards.
4. If you have to get drunk to have s*x, then you’re not ready to have s*x.
Same goes for your partner — if they have to get drunk to have s*x, then they’re not ready to have s*x.
5. If you’re not comfortable enough with someone to talk about safer s*x, then you’re not ready to have s*x with them.
Talk about your partner’s s*xual history — and yours. Ask them if they always use barrier protection (condoms, oral s*x dams)
6. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for directions in bed.
And it’s not “bossy” if a woman (or a man) gives you directions in bed. After your first few times, you might think you know how to please anyone in bed, but you won’t (even after years of s*x, you won’t). Every partner will be different, and even the same partner will be different on different days. This is especially true of women, whose orgasms tend to be a little more elusive than men’s. But whoever you end up dating, guy or girl, you should be open and receptive.
7. Be yourself and don’t worry too much about labels.
8. Nobody ever “owes” anyone else s*x.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been dating, or how long you’ve been unclad together or how blue your balls are. It doesn’t matter if you two have had s*x before, or if you partner has slept with 10 people before you. It doesn’t matter if one of you just treated the other to dinner (or to oral s*x). It doesn’t even matter if you’re half-way through some s*xual act, including intercourse, and suddenly one of you changes your mind. s*x can stop at any time. It doesn’t even have to start.
9. s*x is worth waiting for, real men wait! They do not
10. s*x is awesome!
When you do it with the right person, at the right time, s*x can be amazing. It can feel, like, really good. It can be fun and exciting, it can bring you closer to your partner, it can reduce stress, it can make you love a person more than you thought possible (though to be sure, love is not a requirement for s*x — mutual respect, however, is). But s*x isn’t usually awesome at first. Even when you’re head over heels in love and one hundred percent ready to do the deed, s*x exists on a learning curve. That said, the better you know someone before you have s*x, the more comfortable you will probably be figuring out what each other wants. Good s*x requires practice. It requires knowledge about your body and your partner’s body. It requires experimentation and play. And it requires a sense of humor so you can both laugh it off when someone farts or queefs or gets an elbow in the face. Remember, there is no such thing as “normal” in bed — there is only what you like, what your partner likes, and what you’re both comfortable with.
Have fun, be safe, and remember: You can ask your mom anything. We’re, well, unshockable.
Source: huffpost.com