By Moses Abeka
Do you want to sleep in Serena? Ok, let me rephrase. Do you want to book a room in Serena and call a beautiful artiste of your choice and she comes running to your thighs beating all the potholes and traffic? Do you want to eat susi, sorry shushi off a naked babe? Do you want to drive the latest rides or pimp a corona to a lambo and get away with it? Of course, you want! A more relevant question; Are you tired of brokeness? If yes, read on.
A Sangoma is basically a traditional healer operating in South Africa. Ability to speak Luganda is said to enhance spiritual healing powers throwing the odds in your favour. You don’t have to know the lyrics of Khona. Just, dress in a halloween attire and blurt out,”Laba omusiiru. laba faala ono. Njamukolako sente. Bajajja mujje. Wujja wujja kasepiki“, something like that. Rehearse those lines and those customers down South will think you have spiritual tongues.
But before that, you need to go South. A bus trip is better. You ought to travel by bus collecting herbs on your journey to Madiba land. A plane does not offer such luxury. Mabira, Jinja, pick tortoises in Kenya and shells in Tanzania then carry herbs from Zimbabwe. Don’t forget to carry omulondo. Sex is an issue every where.
On facebook, portray yourself as an intellectual. Hire somebody who can goggle quotes. Update that you studied in Harvard. Show swagg. Are you feeling the Sangoma vibe?
I wish you success. Don’t forget to come over Christmas and sleep with a top artiste. I mean, you will be treated as a tycoon.
“[katogoaward]”
