By Ian Ortega
Perhaps the UCU sex-tape could have triggered off these searches as Ugandans rehearsed for the coming Porn Industry. It is believed that by the end of 2014, the Ugandan Porn Industry will be the most earning industry in the economy.
So here are the most Googled HOWS:
1. How to kiss
I am certain our top politicians in the country googled this particular phrase. We have noticed that most Ugandans chew each other instead of kiss. Therefore, BigEye.ug will soon release a dossier on how to kiss in Uganda.
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2. How to love
Most Ugandans were perturbed by the subject of love. At least we are glad to inform you that www.ortegaian.com is opening up in order to help answer such questions. Ugandans don’t know how to love.
3. How to bet
Akapapula, you know what I am saying. Over… simanya Under. Having lost lots of money to Indians, Ugandans ran to google to try and find out how to bet. We hope their questions were answered.
4. How to hack
Mbu they wanted to hack BigEye.ug site to get the Princess Komuntale Sextape. Honestly what’s there to hack in Uganda?
5. How to pray
Guess, many prayers were unanswered in 2013 so, Ugandans sought God’s guidance on how to pray. Okay, they sought the guidance of Google. How to pray prayers that work? How to pray for Museveni to retire? How to pray for Olara Otunnu to get a wife?
6. How to meditate
New Age had come in, following Ortega’s popularization of Yoga and Meditation, this subject got many Ugandans interested thus they kept googling how to meditate hoping for answers.
7. How to romance
Rumour has it that Kyambogo students ranked high in this search, most especially the girls. Well, for the girls, my lines are open for guidance on how to romance practically.
8. How to swim
Stupidity has gone to another level. You mean, you can learn how to swim from Google. Unless you mean, how to swim in a UCU shower movie.
9. How to save
On one hand, they google for how to bet, then they google for how to save. Well, it’s simple, learn to keep your money in the bank, that’s how they save.
10. How to download
Mbu from Makerere, phrases like ‘how to download food’, ‘how to download money’, ‘how to download retakes’ and ‘how to download abortions’ were googled. Honestly, how does one download such stupidity. How to download a youtube video.
To connect with Ortega
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ianort
Facebook: www.facebook.com/ortegaiancom
Twitter: @ortegaUganda
Whatsapp: +256788551121
Email: [email protected]
“[katogoaward]”