No matter how old, or how handsome you are, every guy has been friend-zoned at least once in their lives. Some battle their way out of it, while some accept their fate and learn to live with what they have. All the while hoping that someday, the girl will realise how you feel about her, and start feeling the same way about you. Guys in the latter part of the spectrum, you need to know that it’s never going to happen. Not unless you do something about it. Having been there myself, I have experienced pretty much everything that you have been going through, and yes, it is a really effed up feeling. Years later, I’m a little smarter, a little wiser, and have gotten to know women a little better than before. So if you’re one of those who are trying to get someone to like you, here are a few steps you must keep handy.
1. Accept the situation.
First things, first. The first step to solving a problem (any problem) is to accept the fact that there is one. DO NOT beg or plead for her to give you a chance. I did this, and it came flying on my face (figuratively, thankfully). She has already made up her mind to not be anything more than friends with you, so no amount of convincing will change her mind here. Instead, one must approach this situation by focusing less on her, and working more on yourself at this stage. Don’t withdraw yourself completely, but just start taking it easy for the time being.
2. Work on yourself, improve.
Even the most perfect alpha males have scope for self-improvement. Try and remember what she has told you about the kind of guys she likes. See if you can be a shade of that person, without changing your personality (trust me, you don’t want to become a person you’re not, she isn’t worth it, nobody is). Learn something new, start lifting weights, eat healthy, go play a sport, start running, get some adrenaline in your system. This’ll take your mind off her for a little while, and let you focus on yourself. You’ll start feeling much better about yourself, it’ll give you more self-confidence, and you’ll be happy. Being happy will also result in making you look fresh, better. If you hit the gym, it’ll also help you get a killer body, but that’s just a bonus. It’s not a must-have, until she tells you so. Then you must also know that she’s a bit shallow.
3. Do not alienate your friends/ start having fun with other people.
She must realise one way or the other that she isn’t the only one you have. In some way, she needs to know (without being rude of course) if she doesn’t value you, someone else will. Golden rule is to never, ever, put all your eggs in one basket. Start chilling with your friends more often, get into different social circles if you’re bored of your own. Your friends will have friends who will have friends, so there’ll be a lot of people you can meet if you really want to. Meet new girls, learn how to flirt with them (more on that later), get their numbers, go out with them. This is the funniest bit about women. Ironically, the more women you meet, the better it is for your case. One thing women can’t handle is other women, and the more jealous she gets, the better it is for you.
4. Ask her out. Not on a date though.
It’s only at Step 4, where the game begins, and the most exciting one too. If she’s been hesitant to go out with you alone, for dinner, ask her out on a ‘non-date’. A ‘non-date’ is basically more like meeting a person without the romantic aspect, for the most innocuous of things like picking up some books, buying some new clothes, etc. She’s a lot more likely to go with you than if you ask her out on a dinner. Do not ask her out for her favourite movie, it is the most pointless thing to do. Sitting in a dark room, munching popcorn can hardly be fruitful. Let her ask you out for a movie, you don’t need to emphasise on this.
5. Step five, is where you begin to flirt.
Be subtle. I’ve messed it up quite a few times because I was too out there, if you know what I mean. There’s no going back from there, so tread carefully. The numero uno reason why guys can’t/ or aren’t confident enough to get out of that wretched friend zone is because they fail to realise that it’s a matter of sexual attraction; or rather, a lack of it. Definitely the lack of it. Start teasing her playfully. Make fun of her behaviour, but not too much, enough to make her giggle, not angry. Start with playful compliments too, until you can eventually progress to flirting that’s more sexual in nature. Here’s an example, if you notice her in a dress in which she’s looking hot, just go up to her and whisper in her ears, ” You need to stop wearing clothes that look so good on you, I’m afraid I might end doing something really, really naughty.” Remember, whisper in her ears, say it romantically, don’t shout it out loud. You don’t want her, or the others overhearing your conversation to think of you as a perv. Don’t be a perv, unless she’s one too, then you’ve hit a goldmine, my friend.
6. Turn up the heat
If you’ve made a move before, and failed, then you can’t become all touchy-feely all of a sudden, it’ll just be weird. She’ll know what you’re doing, and send you right back from where you’ve tried to climb out oh-so-meticulously. Start slow, ‘accidental’ touches, casual touches on the arm, or on her back. Move on to hugs when you guys meet, or say goodbye. See how she responds to this. If it’s good, then add a little peck on the cheek in the mix as well. If you notice her talk about other guys, you start talking about other girls, and be very graphic. You can have the liberty to go all out. Describe what you intend to do to this ‘fictional’ girl in the bed, step by step. Basically make sure she knows that you’re a man who doesn’t repress his sexual urges, and what you’re capable of doing. If all goes well, it’s at this point where she starts getting the hots for you, thinking about what you said you’ll do. You’re near the touchline.
7. Go for it. Now.
If you manage steps 5-7 well enough, you’ll notice things shaping up well, without you having to try so hard. It’ll start escalating gradually. Your flirting becomes a little more sexual by nature, she starts touching you more often, and your dates become more serious. You won’t even have to worry about her answer when you ask her for dinner now, it’s more or less given that she’ll say yes. A movie now might be a good idea. What better place to playfully fool around than a cinema hall. By the time this happens, you have done well. But to completely get out of that friend-zone, one last step still remains, YOU MUST MAKE YOUR MOVE. Because rest assured, she will never, NEVER, make the first move, but she will give you ample hints that she’s comfortable now and it’s okay to do something.
Source: India Times