Kissing a guy who lacks in basic intuitive skills feels like being with someone who is hopelessly out of sync.
It’s like his internal GPS that tells him when to slow down, speed up, yield, or merge is offline. There’s only Stop and Go (and nowhere to actually go).
So is it possible to turn this around?
Here are 7 kind-but-assertive steps to teach a guy to be a better kisser.
1. Don’t judge yourself by his response.
While you want to approach him in a way that lets him “save face”, it’s also important to let go of the belief that you’re responsible for his feelings.
Keep in mind that you are telling him something about you that’s necessary for him to know if there’s any chance of things moving forward.
Be comfortable with yourself, and confident in your message.
Your message of “I’m okay, you’re okay — we just need to figure something out” gets conveyed through your words, voice, and mostly body language. Good eye contact, along with being positive, warm, and open is key.
Bonus points if you can find humor and show a little vulnerability yourself.
2. Deal with your nervous energy in advance.
Dance in your living room, go for a brisk walk, sing to the heavens, work out — whatever does it for you, do it before you get together.
3. Lead the way.
If you want a slow, romantic kiss, then tell him, and proceed to kiss him the way you want to be kissed.
You can subtly “play” while kissing, pulling back and moving forward, giving him a sense of there being many ways to move around.
4. Pull back if you don’t like something.
You don’t have to be mean or rude.
Just pulling your head back a little will give him enough of a hint if you don’t like something. Or commenting playfully that you can’t breathe.
It’s good to keep things light, but still say what you need to.
5. Ask for his likes and dislikes — and then have him show you.
By doing this, he’ll know that you’re interested in his needs, and that pleasure is mutual and reciprocal.
State your preferences, but in a way that says, “I like this, but I LOVE that!”
Then rev up your responsiveness to show him the perks of making you feel good.
6. Let him know when you like what he’s doing.
Give verbal (or audible) and nonverbal positive reinforcement.
If you’re kissing, that means a low-pitched groan or a throaty whisper in his ear, “I love it when you do that.”
Or you can be more casual. A simple, “I like that”, or “Do that again” will help build his confidence and teach him about you.
He’ll remember this not only because it was such a turn on, but because, with repetition, his brain is actually being rewired to connect the things he did with what brings you pleasure.
7. Hang in there, if he’s a great guy it will be worth the effort.
There’s nothing more disappointing than finding out that the one person you’ve chosen to focus your dating attention on doesn’t kiss well.
But hanging in there and showing him what you like — especially if it’s communicated in a light and accepting way — can work.
Practice doesn’t make perfect right away, but if there’s enough improvement, it will definitely be more fun getting there.
And if you’re both good students of each other needs, there’s no telling how much fun the learning will be.
Source: YourTango.com