If you’re dating a woman who makes more money than you do it’s important not to come off like a greedy miser — but you also want to avoid putting yourself in a financial hole in an attempt to gloss over the income gap. Walking that fine line can be tricky. To help you avoid running into any avoidable pitfalls, we asked relationship expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula for tips.
DON’T TRY TO KEEP UP WITH HER SPENDING HABITS
Talking money — specifically, your money woes — can be an awkward discussion in any relationship. And in the early goings of something new, it can be downright cringeworthy to lay your financial portfolio (or failings) out for her to see. However, it’s something you have to get out of the way. “Shell appreciate the honesty,” adds Dr. Ramani.
That doesn’t mean you should expect her to foot every bill. She’ll think you’re using her for her loot. So if you can swing the bill without her, offer to do so. If it’s too expensive, pay what you can afford — and do it with a smile.
DON’T OBSESS OVER THE INCOME GAP
“She may not be thinking about it, but if you keep bringing it up, she’ll start to think about it,” Dr. Ramani says. So after you initially bring up that you need to be careful of your spending, drop it. There’s a difference between being a cheapskate and a responsible guy who’ll do what’s necessary to avoid soul-sucking debt.
Plus, your bank account doesn’t determine how funny, kind, or interesting you are. Use those things to your advantage. If she’s unwilling to accept or understand your financial situation (meaning, if she keep prompting you to do things you can’t afford) you’re simply not a match. And that’s okay. So if that’s the case, feel good about taking your upbeat personality and measly paycheck elsewhere.
BE A GENTLEMAN
Open car doors. Say “please” and “thank you.” Call instead of text. Being a gentleman is free and (should be) easy. “A $10 million a year salary is no excuse for bad manners,” Dr. Ramani explains.
What you don’t want is for it to seem as though the money gap is making you jealous or bitter. Focus instead on treating her like a lady and your have a better shot at her overlooking those broken car door locks.
SHOW HER YOU MANAGE YOUR MONEY WISELY
If she wanted a frat boy she’d change her settings on Tinder. She doesn’t, which is why she’s with you. ”Not having any money is no excuse for being stupid with your money,” Dr. Ramani says. “She’s less likely to be forgiving of the wage gap if the man is out there spending money like a drunken sailor,” she adds.
Mint.com is a free and easy way to track spending. You can also consolidate all your accounts and bills, create budgets and personal goals. It also sends you alerts when your checking account is low, so your card won’t get denied if you try to splurge for ice cream after dinner.
SHOW HER YOU’RE MOTIVATED
Just because things aren’t clicking financially now doesn’t mean they won’t — especially if you’re working toward a goal. Whether you’re going back to school to get an MBA, writing a novel, developing an app, or making your own beer, rattle off the things that you’re proud of and that could eventually lead to more financial gain. “Show your ego,” Dr. Ramani recommends. “Passion equals confidence. She’ll respond to how positive you are about what you do, no matter how much you make.”
GET CREATIVE
Crack open a cook book and whip up dinner at home. She’ll dig the effort. However, if you’re not ready to show her your tiny studio, offer cheap dates that won’t make you look cheap.
WIN OVER HER FRIENDS
“The biggest threat to these relationships come from the outside, not the inside,” Dr. Ramani says. In other words, get to know her friends. Win them over and you’re adding allies. Target group activities that encourage socializing. Poker night, grilling, and bowling are all good options. The effort to put together an evening to accommodate her and her friends will score major points.
Source: Modernman