“The number one sign that someone is cheating on you is your intuition,” says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of The New Monogamy. “Listen to your gut. It usually will steer you in the right direction.”
However, your gut’s not necessarily foolproof. After all, you might be confusing fear and insecurities for intuition, says Nelson. Not sure which one you’re feeling? Read through this checklist and see if any apply to your current squeeze. While checking off one sign alone isn’t reason to call in the bloodhounds, if you’re noticing that several are in play, you do have cause for some concern, says Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a psychologist with the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.
1. Your Sex Life Has Radically Changed
While a nonexistent sex life can be a hint of bad things brewing, so are suddenly over-the-top sexcapades. “Yes, sex may have always been good, but now he is flopping you all over the bed and sweat is pouring down his face and he is holding his iPhone over your shoulder to take pictures of your behind in the mirror,” says Nelson. “The erotic charge of sleeping with two people at the same time is also a huge turn-on—one that he might be getting off on at your expense.”
2. He’s Secretive With His Technology
Nothing wrong with wanting some privacy, but there’s a difference between that and him keeping all of his electronic devices on lockdown. Never leaving his cell unattended, always taking his phone into the other room to text or to take a call, being unusually silent when receiving a text or call, or otherwise being especially secretive is a bad sign, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. “Most men won’t necessarily let you read e-mails or texts, but they won’t try to hide them either.”
3. His Grooming Habits Have Gotten Way Better
You’ve been on him for months to trim his nose hair, and now he’s trimming not only his nostrils but his man-parts, as well? A dramatic shift in your guy’s attention to grooming, clothes, and his fitness habits (is he working out like crazy now?) may indicate that he’s trying to impress another woman, says behavioral scientist and dating expert Christie Hartman, Ph.D., author of Changing Your Game: A Man’s Guide to Success with Women.
4. He’s Unavailable All of the Time
While he might legitimately have to work late, the cover-up excuse is cliché for a reason, says Haltzman. It’s an easy way for guys to carve out time to spend with someone on the side. Be leery if he is suddenly (and constantly) coming up with reasons—work-related or otherwise—to leave the house over the weekend or at night, says Needle.
5. Your Bank Account Has Taken a Huge Hit
Financial infidelity can point to sexual infidelity, as well. If you are beginning to notice unexplained charges to a shared credit card or account, it may be a sign that he’s spending money on meals and gifts for another woman, says Haltzman. Keep an eye out for any receipts hanging around his desk or pockets, recommends Hartman.
6. He’s Always on the Defensive
“Does he get overly defensive when you say, ‘Hey, where have you been all night, I tried to reach you?’” asks Nelson. “If he jumps down your throat and tries to explain his absent four hours with blame—‘Why are you always bugging me?’—then you know you are either a) always bugging him, or b) he is doing something he doesn’t want to tell you about and he is using some kind of lame reverse psychology to try and distract you.”
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