I’ve cheated on boyfriends. Three of them. One of them knew, and two of them never found out. When I talk about my cheating phase with friends, I make it sound like I’ve learned my lesson, and that I’ll never do it again. And for the most part, I have. But I also know that I’m easily tempted.
This is something I should probably discuss with a therapist — as well as a significant other, when that situation presents itself — but for right now, I can honestly say that I can’t promise I won’t cheat again. That said, I also can’t tell you whether your girlfriend will cheat or her reasons for cheating in the past. What I can tell you is what went through my head when I cheated … and why I kept doing it.
Why Women Cheat #1: It’s An Easy Way To End A Relationship
No one feels good about cheating. But fooling around on the side can be an easier way to end a relationship than dealing with the mess of a breakup, especially when there’s no “good” reason for the breakup to occur. It might make you the villain, but it gets you out of a relationship in a hurry. I’ve pulled the trigger on a dating situation that way before.
We’d been dating for six months and I knew it wasn’t working. So I started dating other guys while we were still supposed to be exclusive. I ended the relationship by letting him know I met someone else. The cheating happened because, in my mind, the relationship had already ended.
Why Women Cheat #2: Temptation Is Hard to Resist
You don’t stop noticing attractive people simply because you’ve gotten serious with someone. I don’t cheat all the time, but I’m tempted to a greater degree than most of my girlfriends. Maybe it’s a sign of a higher sex drive? Or maybe it’s a sign of me being terrified of commitment? Whatever it is, I can’t help being attracted to dudes I’m not dating.
Relationship experts would likely say it’s important to talk this out with your significant other, or possibly role play and pretend to be sexy strangers so you can inject adrenaline into your sex life, but that all requires insight and forethought — which are usually lacking in a cheating situation.
Why Women Cheat #3: Sometimes, It Really Is Just About The Sex
The best sex of my life was with a casual hookup who moved to London a few years ago. I have cheated to be with him. I feel like he’s someone grandfathered into my life. I know we’ll never have a relationship because of the distance, and I’m pretty sure he’s cheated on a girlfriend to be with me. So even though I know it’s not rational, I feel like it doesn’t count.
Besides, I barely liked the London dude. Since I had no feelings for him besides the physical attraction, it didn’t feel like a betrayal in the same way it might have if I truly had strong feelings for him.
Why Women Cheat #4: There’s a Difference Between Lust and Love
I’ve never had an “emotional affair,” and even though most people wouldn’t agree, I don’t think sex by itself is a big deal. I know some couples have deals where they’re allowed to have sex with other people if they’re on business trips or a certain distance away from their home, and I honestly could see how that type of arrangement works. But since most people think sex is a pretty big deal, I tend to keep this thought on the DL from significant others … and then end up cheating like I did in the scenarios described previously.
Why Women Cheat #5: It Really Can “Just Happen”
The first time I cheated, I slept with a guy I met on a business trip … who was married. We were drinking at the hotel bar, we started flirting, and I gave him a hard time when I saw his wedding ring. Then I told him I had a boyfriend. Because we were both cheating, it almost felt acceptable — we were never going to see each other, we had protected sex, and we were both lonely and hundreds of miles from home.
Why Women Cheat #6: People Change
I know I said I might cheat again — and that’s true, but I also firmly believe my cheating was a defense mechanism I used because no one I was with was right. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized I do want to be in a serious relationship. Before, I wanted the security of being part of a couple while still having single girl fun. As my friends have gotten married, I’ve started to rethink my stance on relationships, and I want to work harder on my commitment issues.
That said, I would tell a future boyfriend about my past. I know it’s a tall order to ask for trust after revealing everything, but putting it out there can be a major sign that a woman wants this time to be different; if you find out the woman you’re seeing is like me, give her a chance … or, you know, a free pass.
Source: Modern Man
