Best-selling author Kezia Noble shares her thoughts about what men may say that turn women away! Here are her 5 no-no’s for a first date.
1. “I hope you like where I chose.”
Women want to be with a guy who has a sense of certainty in what he does and in what choices he makes. If it becomes apparent that she is not impressed with your choice of venue, smile confidently and say to her: “This is not your kind of place, is it?” Remember this should come across more like a statement than a question. Then tell her that she has to be the one to choose the next date, AGAIN, and this is very important, you must say this in a playful manner. Always stay committed to your decisions, and never be apologetic about them either. If she doesn’t like your choice of venue, then make up for it in the interaction. If the venue is more important to her than spending time with you, she’s not a keeper.
2. “I feel nervous.”
Awww, how cute, but with that line, you may have just sentenced yourself to the dreaded “friend zone”. Telling a girl how nervous you are is not going to make her attracted to you, of course she will feel sorry for you, and she will be extra ‘nice’ to you throughout the date, but don’t think for a second any of that means anything more than her display of sympathy for you. Pity is not a strong foundation to build attraction on.
3. “I want to know everything about you.”
Even for the most talkative of women, this can feel a little overwhelming. Although you might think it’s a great way to get her to open up and that it will give her the impression that you really want to get to know the REAL her (unlike all the other guys), it usually just ends up as an awkward one-way conversation. Do you really want to hear all the grizzly details of her past relationships or how she cut herself when she was shaving her legs earlier that day? Women like to create a sense of mystery, and you should be conveying this yourself, too. Let the conversation flow, and let her reveal the hidden sides to her personality by gently provoking or challenging her, rather than making huge demands on her.
4. “We should do this again sometime.”
Two words: weak and generic. It lacks excitement and shouts uncertainty. When a guy says this to us on a first date, it gives us the impression that he is “testing the waters” because he is unsure if we will agree. Instead, try and implement what I like to call “future projections”. Example: During the date, when you feel it’s going well, say to her playfully: “Next time we have dinner, you order the wine, ” or “Next time we meet, when we see a movie, I bet you’ll talk all the way through it.” As you can tell, these examples have a playful undertone to them, but most importantly, they are PRESUMING that there will be another date without a flimsy question dangling at the end of it.
5. “You look really nice tonight.”
Any vague or generic compliments need to be abolished from the conversation. We use the word “nice” when describing something we have no real passion for, such as a “nice cup of tea.” Think about things you adore, that excite you or inspire you and then see if the word “nice” can articulate those emotions. Replace the word “nice”, “lovely” or even “pretty” with something more dynamic and that focuses on a more detailed attribute of hers. Example: “I really like the fact you have good taste in shoes, you can tell a lot about a woman who makes that extra effort” or “the way you’ve done your makeup is really striking.” Now, these might sound a little too detailed or might put you out of your comfort zone, but she will respond to those kinds of thoughtful and unique compliments a lot better than “your hair looks nice.”
Remember, women put in a great deal of effort when going on a first date and it feels really good when people notice! Stick to complimenting things she had to make an effort in, such as style, makeup, shoes, and perfume rather than attributes she has been lucky to be genetically blessed with.
Source: eHarmony
