Arguments can degenerate if not handled maturely. Thanks to politics and the desensitising anonymity of social media, over-the-top arguments have become everyday occurrences. People don’t “respectfully disagree” anymore. You’re either for them or against them. You’re either the best person ever or the worst person ever.
That can make it hard to have productive arguments with people, particularly if you have a relationship with them. so… how do you maintain a civil relationship and keep your inner attack dog from charging every time you hear the other person say something you find offensive?
These 3 steps can help:
STEP ONE: Pause to cool down.
When someone says something offensive during an argument, it can enflame your emotions. But that’s not always the best state to be in if you want to respond. Your intelligent and salient points might be lost under the tone of your voice and whatever insult you throw at the other person.
The best way to defuse those situations are to simply step back and take a moment to collect yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness. You’re just taking your angriest emotions out of the equation and waiting until you’re not only ready to talk rationally, but you’re also ready to listen more rationally too.
STEP TWO: Listen up for what you can agree with.
This can be hard, particularly if the other person has said something TRULY reprehensible.
However, if it’s possible, it’s always good to try to find some aspect of what they’re saying that you can agree with on a broad level. It allows you to validate their opinion, and it gives you a small piece of common ground that you can try to use to bring the argument back to a more stable middle ground.
STEP THREE: Add your perspective.
This is an important step that builds off Step Two. Let’s assume that you did the impossible and found some common ground with the person you’re disagreeing with.
The next step is taking that common ground and steering it back towards a place where you can constructively and non-confrontationally express YOUR opinion. Because your dialogue shouldn’t just involve you peace-keeping or staying silent. You need to remain honest to yourself as well.
Will these three steps always work? NO.
Occasionally, someone will be so adamant and so offensive that you’re never going to be able to engage in a civil conversation with them.
However, these three steps will GREATLY increase the odds that your dialogues will remain constructive and you can leave the confrontation knowing that you did your part in trying to keep the lines of communication open. And sometimes that’s all you can do.
Source: Davinadiaries.com
