There are plenty of things you should never, ever sacrifice for the sake of your relationship, but sometimes, compromise can actually be a good thing.
While every person and every couple is different, there are a few specific issues where it might help to loosen up a bit and come to a consensus. We asked two relationship experts for their opinions on when serious couples should strive to find some middle ground:
How Often You Have Sex
This is a big one. How often you get busy can be a point of contention, but it’s a good idea to try to work on a compromise for the sake of your relationship and your sex life, says dating expert and behavioral scientistChristie Hartman, Ph.D.
“When a couple has different sexual frequency preferences, or different sexual styles—conventional vs. experimental, for example—it’s often necessary to strike a compromise. That means occasionally having sex when you aren’t 100 percent in the mood or trying something new like role play or unusual positions.”
Of course, it should never mean going too far outside your comfort zone, but just enough to make both of you happy. This doesn’t necessarily mean just having sex when you’re not feeling it.
Maybe the compromise is encouraging your parnter to watch porn or masturbate (maybe you can even kiss him or lend a helping hand—let’s be honest, it’ll take like five minutes). And importantly, this means he needs to compromise too by having sex in the position you love or laying off when he knows you’re not feeling well.
How Often You Visit Relatives
Especially when couples are newly engaged or married, finding the split between whose family to visit when can be tricky. But if you don’t come to a consensus about how often you’ll see each person’s relatives and which holidays will be spent with which side, it can lead to a lot of animosity and frustration.
And even if you don’t get along with your partner’s family, spending time with them and making an effort is a compromise that every couple should strive to make, says clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D.
“Even though you might dislike your in-laws, they’re still your spouse’s biological family, and nothing good comes from trying to avoid them.” Here are a few tips for surviving your in-laws during the holidays, or well, anytime.
How You Spend Your Money
While it’s crucial to have similar philosophies on when to save and when to spend, how you spend is equally important, explains Greenberg. “Should we spend our money on getting a new boiler or going on vacation?”
The answer should vary, depending on the situation, as long as each person’s voice is heard. “It has to feel like it’s a win-win situation with what you decide,” she continues. “It’s always a trade-off and it has to be a synthesis. You look at what one person wants and what the other wants and hopefully come to an agreement in the middle each time.” Here are some tips on making sure you’re a good money match.
Source: Daily Graphic