By Nimusiima
Let’s just say, 2014 was a good year, wasn’t it? Of course there were lows, too deep they looked like gullies, and highs, too high they jutted up the skies. In a nutshell, it wasn’t actually bad. And there were series of events that happen in this our 256 area code. Here, good people, is the recap of what transpired in this year. Brick by brick.
Desire Luzinda’s nudes
We decide to start with the bloody infamous nudies of Desire Luzinda because, well, we couldn’t help ourselves, but rather started with them. They gutted and spread across the country like a wild fire. Some men (if not most men) still have those pictures where they revisit them for purposes best known to their loins. Desire, let’s hope you have fully recovered from the apocalypse that befell you. We haven’t recovered from it.
Wizkid’s concert
In my opinion, this concert was undoubtedly the biggest concert that attracted an international act this year. The setup was flawless. The dress code was seemingly legit and whoever chose the indoor venue had a working brain. Wizkid flew here and all the girls hallad at him. Sheila Gashumba can testify to this.
The venomous maid
It started as one of those videos that jump from phone-to-phone, but ended evoking people’s feelings. Undoubtedly, it was one of the biggest highlights of 2014. The video showed a monster of a maid bizarrely punishing a toddler. She went ahead and threw her heavy weight on the kid, stepping on its brittle back and hurling her on the floor. The parents cried. The young people jeered in anger. The world sighed in disgust. The maid was thus dragged to prison and is battling cases in court. In my opinion, I hope she loses, gets water boarded and the law stomps on her cruel derriere. Meanwhile, she looked healthy, unusual and different at court. She had a wig even. I always knew that wigs were associated with evil.
Uganda Cranes’ woes
Every year, the Uganda Cranes attempt to qualify for the Africa Cup of Nations. And every year, their attempt to take a giant leap ends up in a bowel of sorrow, of disappointment and misery. ‘What went wrong’ is the question that remains hovering over the whole country. It wasn’t any different this year. It seems, it is easier for the camel to pass through an eye of a needle than Uganda Cranes qualifying for AFCON. And, hey, Andy Mwesigwa, you should walk door-to-door apologizing to every Ugandan for your infamous horrendous mistakes.
Love You Everyday Bebe Cool
I am sure ever since the inception of Love You Everyday’s incredible video, Bebe Cool has never shut his mouth. It was a good video, yes… very eye-candy, impeccable videography, but if someone tells Bebe Cool to shut up, he/she would have done this great nation a huge favor. Anyone, please? Thank you.
Zari’s sex tape
Just when we thought the year was going to end on the high, Zari’s sex tape happened before us. Well, Zari is the most dreamt about and widely admired woman in Uganda (don’t ask me about that research). So, her sex tape was bound to generate a public holiday of its own. But, oh boy, were we up to a big surprise! Her sex tape was a huge disappointment it could overthrow Uganda Cranes’ disappointment. Zari, dear, here is free advice: if you have to shoot a sex tape and you know you’re as dry as the Kalahari, get a jerry can of water, pour it all over yourself. Lie to us. Do something. And while at it, get a bigger dildo. We want our MBs.
Jazz Safari with Joe Thomas
As it is always the case, it was a sold out concert. A gathering of rich folk and smidgens of pretentious rich class trickled to Serena Hotel for the annual Jazz Safari concert. This time, it featured global music icon Joe Thomas and Norman Brown. It was an incredible concert. It couldn’t pass unnoticed.
Club Mega Fest and Mafikizolo
It was meant to be the biggest extravaganza to ever happen here, but it had its flaws and pitfalls. Mafikizolo refused to perform at the Namboole Concert. Burna Boy’s trouser was ripped apart in the loins. Maybe after he saw Ugandan ladies shouting themselves hoarse. Shaggy still showed that, indeed, he is Mr. Bombastic. But then again, the Mafikizolo concert at Serena Hotel stole the shine from the Mega Fest. It khonad it to the corner.
Chameleone’s One Million concert
We hear that the exorbitant prices were cut to a paltry 200k. Yes, the phobia of floppery (I have just coined that word). But Chameleone, if you are really a Doctor, you should have stuck to your word. Doctors hardly change their words. Imagine, what if we had swallowed 10 tablets and you tell us, thereafter, that we were supposed to swallow 5 tablets. You see that? Stick to 1M and if the concert flops, release one more song and retire. Just saying.